Lately

Its been just about three weeks since we left Oklahoma
for the last time in the foreseeable future. 

We said goodbye to Jordan as he headed back for a few more months...
May sounds like an eternity. 

The girls and I have fallen back into our routine,
and we are nice and settled, minus Jordan of course. 

Thank goodness for technology, it really makes us feel like he's not so far away. 

Letting my thoughts linger on his void is not my style,
but lately its been on my mind more than usual. 

It might be the fact that I'm planning to go back to my nursing career in the next few months and I'm unsure of how I feel about it. The career minded Lisa from a short 1.5 years ago would be shocked at my lack of desire to get back into the medical field. I'm overwhelmed by options for employment. From what hospital/clinic to work at, what type of nursing I want to do, where I want my career to go...do I even want to go back? Can't I just focus on my photography business? How would I leave nursing and the career that has defined who I am and who I wanted to be for most of my life. I have good options, and I should apply, but I'm just not ready yet. I could burst into tears at the thought of going back to work. And lets be honest, I would work 1-2 days a week, maybe only 8 hour days. Its not that much work. But I'm terrified of it.

These girls have turned me into a total mushy mess. 

It doesn't help that I still haven't really met anybody here. I don't bring this up for pity, because really, being a functionally single parent right now I haven't had time to go find and make friends. I talk with my close friends daily and catch up with old friends from time to time and I'm far from lonely, but certain days and moments it would be nice to have "people" nearby. Winter in Michigan is a hard time to be new, so I'm looking forward to the warmer weather. Maybe we'll meet more neighbors when we all stop being hermits. 

My girls are growing and I want to bottle up every second. 

Evelyn has recently potty trained and she's been more emotional, that happens with a big developmental leap, ya know?! Some moments she's upset and sad, and then other times she is the sweetest she's ever been and just wants to be close and snuggle. After checking out preschools (what the, WHAT!?) I've really noticed how sensitive and shy she really is and I don't want her to grow up and out of that too fast. How can I slow time down and just bottle all her sweetness up? 

But mostly. I just miss my husband. I miss his presence and I miss how secure I feel with him. Shoot, I miss having real life adult interactions. The girls miss their daddy. I am so ready for this training to be done so we can all get to living together all under the same roof again! Its only a few more months...I'm about to start a count down.