4 months - a little delayed

So I'm a little behind on this 4 month post! We're halfway to 5 months, but better late than never right?

4 months old!!! 

Thinking about how much change happen over the span of just a few weeks is making my heart sad, excited and full all at the same time. I'm sad because it seems to just be going by too fast; excited because I can't wait to see what happens next; and full because I am so full of happiness and joy watching my little one grow.

So 4 months brought big things for Evelyn.

Her first Halloween. I have to say, she was one cute fish. And that's saying A LOT. Because I am absolutely terrified of fish. Like really, really scared of fish! I saw that costume at a consignment store (one of my favorite places to shop!) and I kept coming back to it. It wasn't a super girly costume or something I ever dreamt I would put my daughter in, but it was cute and unique. I have never seen the costume before and I knew it would be a hit. And it sure was. I loved her in it.

The day after Halloween Evelyn and I shared her first airplane ride down to see her Aunt Katie. We had such a great time and she visited 2 new states: Tennessee & Kentucky. She's now been to 4 states in 4 months!












Evelyn spent the day with mom at a breastfeeding conference (yippee?)
Celebrated her first Thanksgiving
Loves sitting in her bumbo seat
Has discovered how much she loves her blankies & chewing them
Started the long road of teething!
Keeps rolling over from belly to back
Loving music more and more each day
Becoming more consistent with daytime naps
Loves watching snow fly!

...And the most sad new thing this month was her first ear infection :(

Lets keep on rolling with happy memories and lots of love into 5 months! Can't wait to see whats next.

A day in the life...of a NICU nurse

Lately it seems like I've had some crazy days at work. All seem to make me appreciate my job and all teach me something different. Some days start off with a bang, others are slow. Some days I swallow my pride & some days I shine. I never know what will happen when I walk through those doors. But I know that with a little patience, some humor & great co-workers I can get through any sort of day that the universe might throw my way.

So here's a glimpse into a day I had a few weeks back....

0640: Pull into the parking garage, head into the cafe to get some oatmeal for later. Yes I will eat this cold a few hours from now so that I don't take longer on my pumping breaks.
0653: Clock in. Not a minute earlier because "they" get cranky if its earlier than that
0700: Get my assingment for the day. See what hallway I am working down & what co-workers get to share this crazy 12.5 hours with me
0715: realize that I may or may not have an interesting day with families.
0730: drink coffee. I've been drinking coffee, but now I put it into overdrive so I can finish it before starting my day.
0745: Go meet my first family. Hope to start on the right foot with them. Realize the second I walked in that we are not on the right foot. Oh gosh, this will get interesting.
0830: leave first room. that was 45 minutes of a "discussion" of how we have been all wrong. And we can't do anything right. You people this, you people that. I am more than happy to listen to your complaints, sir. Of course I'd like to start my day bending over backwards to make you happy, which obviously isn't working. Okay, I'll leave and hopefully you feel better after yelling at a nurse who just met you.
0831: talk to charge nurse. Holy cow, these people are crazy. you're right we can't make them happy. carry on.
0835: Take care of baby who is angry his food is 35 minutes late. Good thing he eats fast. Oh wait. Not this time. He knows I'm busy at the moment and decides to choke and sputter. Oh premies and their eating habits.
0855: Feed first baby after mother has failed attempt to breastfeed. I offered to help, but I don't know how to help right so an hour late, we'll feed the kid. Sounds like a good plan to me!
0910: Feed third baby. Due at 0900. Good thing  he's sleepy. His parents are coming in later and want to give him a bottle then. Whew, I can give a tube feeding and try to catch up for a minute!
0920: Ouch, boobs are angry, gonna need to pump soon otherwise we'll have a leak.
0940: Time to break. Pump. Eat. Eat & pump and not spill milk on my pants. Always a goal. I never accomplish that goal.
1000: Check on crazy family. Do I really have to? Ugh. I'm going to act like nothings wrong and they didn't take their frustrations out on me. Smile. Be extra polite. Act like it didn't bother me. Family centered care. Family centered care.
1005: Talk with doc who is going into the danger zone. Discuss game plan. Take deep breath. Remind myself that I did nothing wrong and I'm not the bad guy. These parents are stressed out and probably are normal-ish people on the outside.
1010: Walk in with doctor for her rounds. Mother is not making eye contact. Acting like she's ignoring doctor. God Bless the doctor, she's looking at me like, WTF?! Doctor keeps talking and having a one-way discussion. Mom speaks up. Says she's been "attacked" by the nurse this morning. The "tone of voice" was mean and that she would like to have a one-on-one conversation with doctor. OMG. OMG. She just said that. Well I guess I'll leave then since I'm the only other person in the room. Its not obvious she hates me or anything. What did I do again?
1011: Do I cry? Do I laugh? I'm not even really sure how to take in what just happened. Oh well. I guess carry on? I've got other babies to take care of.
1030: Another set of parents arrive. Super nice. Super normal. Love them. What a nice change.
1045: Doctor emerges from danger zone. Thought I was gonna have to find an excuse to call her or go in and save her. Seems like she made it out alright. She feels real bad for me. Tells me over and over again it wasn't me and its not my fault and that I'm a great nurse and I did my best this morning. Wow. That was really nice of her to say. Supposedly things are smoothed over. I pray they are. I mean I can put on a nice face all I want all day in front of those parents. But seriously. That's exhausting.
1100: Start all over again. Crazy family first. Lets see how this goes. Asking mom questions because I didn't ask questions before. Getting rude answers, because why would I even ask that question? Duh, of course she knows because she's been here for so long. Oh geeeeezzzzzz.......
1115: Leave danger zone for screaming hungry kid. Feed screaming hungry kid. Ugh he's a messy eater. And slow. And angry he can't eat faster. Get it together growing premie. I'm gonna need more coffee.
1130. Chart. Chart. Chart. Check on danger zone. Feed kid super late because thats the way his family wants it done. That's fine. I don't have to deal with the kid when you take him home. Sounds good to me.
1200: Spend time with nice, normal family. They make this day tolerable. Baby is cute, happy and well-fed. All good things.
1230: Eat. Pump. Break. Caffeinate.
1300: Cover my co-workers assignments while they rotate through lunch. Check on babies. Check on families.
1400: Start again. Danger zone mom is talking to me like she's normal. And even weirder like she likes me. Having small talk, discussing normal things. What has happened? We've left the danger zone and entered the twilight zone. WTF?
1415: Feed angry baby. Same story different feeding.
1430: Twilight mom wants to chat some more. Who is this woman? Blame it on the hormones. On the outside I'm acting like this is nothing. Like this is normal. Whatever it makes her day better I guess and it makes going into that room more bearable.
1500: Ahhh. Nice family.
1530: Chart. Catch up with families. Check on babies. Love on babies.
1630: Boobs might be leaking. Need to pump.
1700: Enter Twilight zone. Baby is actually *sort of* cute. {No, not all babies are cute. Learned that fast in this job.} Same story. Weird conversations. Acting like everything is normal and not super awkward. She doesn't seem to notice, sounds good to me.
1715. Angry baby. Thank goodness this is the last time I feed him today. Man he's got some kinks to work out when he's eating!
1745: Feed Twilight baby. Staying with the whole late thing. Thats fine. Whatever....
1800: Last experience with normal family during care time is fantastic. Such a wonderful way to end my day.
1830: Talk to co-workers. Did all this crazy really happen today? Really, was it that crazy?
1900: Night shift. Yay! Thought I'd never see them.
1935: Leave unit to clock out. Thank goodness its time to go home and see my love and my baby. So grateful to have a *normal* life to head back to.


.....Sooo not too crazy right? Obviously I love my job. But NICU nurses deal with some crazy stories. I could make a whole blog on the stories we get to tell. Its like walking into a different world every day. This particular day was the first I've ever been yelled at by a family and that made it interesting.

Some days are more crazy because of a sick baby. Some days are more crazy because of even more family drama. Some days are crazy because CPS is involved and the parents are really, really crazy. Most days a sense of humor gets you through. Every day my co-workers and the love of my job get me through.

A {Thankful} Month

November has become, or always has been, the month of giving thanks. My news feed on facebook has daily updates of what everybody is thankful for. I honestly really enjoy seeing what blessings people have in their lives. Getting into the routine of being thankful & grateful every day is a good habit to be in and November is the perfect month to remind myself to take a second each day and really think about all the amazing things in my life.

Its so easy to get caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle. Having Evelyn and watching her grow and change so fast has really taught me how important it is to cherish the little things and always be grateful for everything.

so. Here goes my month of thankful-ness..

Nov. 1st: COFFEE. up at 3 am to catch a flight. coffee is amazing.
Nov. 2nd: My little sister Katie and her husband Rob. Thankful to have the chance to visit them
Nov. 3rd: Delta non-rev. So great that we can fly stand-by and see the world!
Nov. 4th: My husband. My rock. My soul mate
Nov. 5th: My sweet, happy, healthy baby girl
Nov. 6th: Days off. Days to hang out with my family
Nov. 7th: My job in an amazing unit, working with the most precious of humans.
Nov. 8th: Healthcare. Many people don't have the access we do. Grateful for great doctors.
Nov. 9th: My side-job/hobby of photography and the fact that people choose ME to do their photography work!
Nov. 10th: The Bridge. A great church home for our family. Just feels good in that place of worship.
Nov. 11th: Our veterans. Our military. The brave ones who protect us.
Nov. 12th: Our baby-sitter Kaitlyn.
Nov. 13th: The Bronson Athletic Club. A great place to stay healthy.
Nov. 14th. My health. So many people aren't in good health. So, so lucky to be healthy.
Nov. 15th: My "old" friends. The ones who have been there through so much with me. Love you.
Nov. 16th: My mom. The one I can always go to. She's THE best!
Nov. 17th: My little sister Michelle. She is beautiful & funny, kinda like her big sister (haha!)
Nov. 18th: My "new" friends. Love meeting people that I instantly click with that I know will be lifelong friends
Nov. 19th: My body's ability to make breastmilk for my baby girl. Its amazing how that works.
Nov. 20th: Our home. We've made this first house our own and I love it!
Nov. 21st: Our grandparents. We have all 8 living. Its amazing.
Nov. 22nd: Date nights. Whether impromtu or planned. love them.
Nov. 23rd: Thankful for doctors & co-workers that have my back when the going gets tough.
Nov. 24th: Coats. Gloves. Boots. Wools socks. Holy moly it gets cold here.
Nov. 25th: My daddy. I'm a daddy's girl. Always have, always will.
Nov. 26th: Our family pets. Love they are apart of this crazy house!
Nov. 27th: Antibiotics. Tylenol. Same day appointments for sick babies.
Nov. 28th. Thankful for family get togethers {even though they are big, crazy & loud!}
Nov. 29th: The means to be able to give gifts the holiday season
Nov. 30th: Jordan's family. The best in-laws & "in-extended" family a girl could ask for.

whew! What a ton of blessings. and there are so, so many more.

Baby, Come Fly with Me

It was bound to happen. Evelyn flying that is. 

Infant in arms.....

It was the perfect set up. My parents were going down to Tennessee to visit my little sister Katie. I had the weekend off, while Jordan had to work at the base. I decided it would be really fun for Evelyn and I to go visit too! Jordan would be able to stay at home with the animals, my parents could take the majority of our luggage and Ev and I would go fly. 

I hoped to fly out of our local, smaller airport but the flights weren't working in our favor. So off to Detroit we went. At 4 am. Ugh. 

Getting through security was fun! 

But we made it. I parked in the ramp adjacent to the terminal. Super expensive, but lets be real. 6 am, with a baby, first time doing this flying thing with her. I wasn't messing around. We fly for free so why not park close and make things easier on myself? 

Getting through security was easier than I thought. Everybody was really gracious about being behind a lady with a baby. By herself. I don't think I was too slow, but getting 2 of us through security with a stroller and car seat isn't the fastest way to get through security. And for my first time with a baby, I pretty much thought I was a rockstar! Whether others thought I was quick is a different story, buy I won't let them burst my bubble! 

After getting through security and putting ourselves back together I found the first bathroom that  I came across. Momma got an empty bladder and baby got a new diaper and we were ready to get to our gate! It was almost time to board, my blood pressure was slowly increasing hoping and praying that Evelyn wouldn't be THAT baby that cries the whole time and makes everybody have a miserable flight. 

I was nervous about packing everything up and getting onto the plane by myself with a baby. Thankfully there were some very nice ladies who offered to help me out. They made is SO much easier for me. I seriously wouldn't be able to do it without them. I wish I knew their names because they really made our experience so much better. 

Evelyn and I got to our seat and settled in. The plane wasn't super full so we had a row to ourselves! We were waiting for everybody else to board and every person that went by gave us a look. You know that look that says, "Ugh, seriously a baby on the plane?!" I felt super judged, but whatever, they were going to deal. Evelyn became fussy and was hungry, so she went under the "cloak of secrecy" as I like to call it, aka the nursing cover. 

We had a long taxi to the runway and Evelyn went into a deep sleep just before we were about to take off. My worst nightmare. Did I mention she had a cold? All I could think about was her waking up SCREAMING as we climbed. I had read having the baby sucking while the plane was climbing would help them not cry. And she was passed out. She wasn't going to suck on anything no matter how hard I tried! 

So the plane took off. I waited. Nervously waited. Waited for her to wake up, look me in the eyes and scream, like "Mom, seriously this sucks, how could you?!" But I kept waiting. And NOTHING!  She was staying asleep. She kept sleeping! She was perfect! I was beyond relieved. My baby was actually cooperating. 

Our only hiccup was when I had to pee. Like bad. Like there was no way I could make it the whole flight. But she was sleeping. She was passed out. But I had no choice. We, as plane passengers, were going to have to deal with whatever came our way after I emptied my bladder! We got back to our seat and she again, was better than I expected. She fussed for just a few minutes, went back under the cloak and passed back out. Seriously. Was this real life? 

The rest of our ride was quick, only about 1 hour total, and uneventful. We landed in Nashville and were super excited to see my sister! We got off the plane and I had to laugh at the audible announcements throughout the airport. "Hi, this is George Strait, welcome to Nashville International Airport, we hope you enjoy your stay in Music City USA" in his thick, thick southern accent. What a nice welcome. 

Our way back to Michigan went just as smooth. Evelyn may or may not be a super flier. That makes me very happy and hopeful that we can take fun family vacations all over the country. I can't wait for our next outing, hopefully with Jordan and hopefully to somewhere fun! 

Airports

Oh how I love airports....

I actually really do enjoy them.

I am sitting here waiting for the next flight to Detroit. The powers that be at Delta changed the times on some flights today and the flight I was originally going to be on was suddenly full. So now I wait for the next flight out. With a baby. Thankfully she is sleeping like a dream! Lets hope she stays asleep when we get on the plane, because lets face it, thats when it really matters.

But back to why I love airports. It is the best place to people watch.
Seriously.
Have you ever sat in an airport and looked around at all the people? There are people from all walks of life and many are quite entertaining.

Right across from me is a lady so hung-over that she looks like death. She fell asleep on the *super comfy* chairs, her friends left her with all their bags while they go walk around and she just woke up very, very confused.

There are people trying to act all fancy, like they are better than everybody else. Walking around looking down on everybody else. They are probably sitting in coach, in the back by the toilets. (Yes, I like to guess whether people are first class or not).

There are a couple fancy lookin guys in suits...isn't is Sunday? Why are they in suits? They must be very, very, VERY important.

Across the terminal from me is a restaurant. I know that some people have long lay-overs and such, but they never seem full or hardly have any customers, who eats there really?

I'm sure there are people judging me for being a lady traveling alone with an infant and wishing and hoping that I am not on their plane.

Overall, the airport is a fun place for me. I don't mind waiting. Even with a baby. I can walk around and see all sorts of people. The over-priced food and connivence stores crack me up, but I like going through and laughing to myself about the prices.

Its kind of like a fun challenge for me. Looking at what flights are available and which ones I can make. And then actually getting to the airport and seeing what I flights I get on. Some people really don't like this guessing game, but I for some reason love it. Maybe some day when my kids are older and we are traveling as a bigger family, I might like airports a little less. But, for now I'm going to roll with it and hopefully keep being spontaneous with trips and vacations. Life's too short to not live a little on the edge. 

A Quarter Year Old

I'm not really sure how it is already been 3 months since Evelyn was born. 

But, at the same time it seems like she's been apart of our lives forever. 

I can no longer remember days without her. What did I seriously do with all that time? 

How on earth was I ever tired before she was born? 

Life has been so wonderful with her. 

She makes me appreciate the alone time I have with Jordan even more than before. 

She brings out the best side in Jordan, and I love seeing that side of him. 

But the best thing about the last 3 months has been watching her grow. 

I am truly amazed at all she can do already. 

She found her hands

She drools everywhere! 

She is grasping toys and holding onto them (to usually put in her mouth!)

Not only did she find her hand, but that her thumb is apart of that hand! 

We went to the pumpkin patch

Started sleeping in her crib for nap time (for mom) 

She loves sitting in her bumbo seat 

She is MUCH less fussy

.....AND.....

She ROLLED OVER!! *tummy to back*

First Days Back

I'm officially a working mother. Thats a good thing, right?

It actually feels good to be back to work in some ways.

First of all, I love my job and I love working with brand new babies and their families, even if the babies are sick and the families are facing some of the hardest days in their lives while their child is sick. I love teaching people about their baby and watching these amazing little babies grow and get home to their families. There are sad and hard days at times, but it is a happy atmosphere and I really enjoy being there.

That being said, I hate leaving my baby. I hate thinking that I might miss a big milestone. I will miss smiles. And I miss spending my days with her.

Our babysitter, Kaitlyn, is making the transition SO much easier. She is young but very knowledgable about caring for babies. She loves Evelyn. That means so much to me. She says that Evelyn is her favorite baby to babysit. The fact that she is so loving with my baby makes me so much more comfortable while I'm away. But the very best thing that Kaitlyn does is send about 30 pictures a day to me while I'm at work! I get sleeping pictures, awake pictures and smily pictures. All make me feel like Evelyn isn't completely devastated that I'm gone.

I'm not sure if all working moms feel this way, but I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I wonder how anybody else could possibly take care of her as I would. I wonder if she is safe. I wonder if she knows that I miss her.

Of course, many of those feelings are my over thinking the situation. I know that she is safe with Kaitlyn or with anybody else that might watch her - I wouldn't let her stay with anybody if I was concerned she wouldn't be safe. The people we put around our family love us and especially love her.

As time goes on, this will no longer be a transition, it will be our normal routine. And that makes me a little sad. Maybe someday I can stay at home with our children and I won't feel sad about my working routine. But for now, we will all adjust to this life. I know there may be other challenges ahead of us with this routine, but we will bend and flex to adjust to the changes.

3 years ago

Today Jordan and I celebrate 3 years of marriage!

I CANNOT believe it has been 3 years. As I'm writing this, I am back to that beautiful fall day on that October Saturday...

My girls were there for me all day to help calm my nerves, and I couldn't have asked for better people to be with that day. We got to the church and even though I have no idea what Jordan was up to, I knew he was probably feeling the same way I was. Excited. Nervous. Happy. The day that I dreamed about since I was a little girl was upon me. Would it live up to my expectations? I can't believe I ever wondered if it would live up to expectations...I was completely blown away.

I remember waiting in the back of the church as one by one, my girls left me. Then it was me and my daddy. Waiting for the doors to open when I would see the man of my dreams waiting for me. That moment was unforgettable. I couldn't take my eyes off that man. My man. My dreams were coming true, and I couldn't be any happier.

The church was the perfect setting. Its what I pictured our wedding like. A big, grand BEAUTIFUL church.

Our day was perfect. There is no other way to describe it.

October 16, 2010 was so much more than my dream wedding. It was the day I made a promise to my best friend in front of God, family & friends. Marriage is not an easy road and there can be daily challenges. But I look at Jordan every day and am so thankful for the strong, humble & loving man that I get to spend my life with. He loves me through my faults and mistakes. He is patient with me when I struggle. He understands my heart and I understand his.

Today we celebrate our love multiplied through our daughter. The day she was born, I fell deeper in love with Jordan.  Seeing the way he interacts with her makes my heart melt. He is so tender with her. Today is a day to watch our wedding video and to cherish each other a little more. Its a day to be thankful for our life together as a family of 3. And its a day to look forward to our future together.

Today also marks the end of my maternity leave and the beginning of our new routine with babysitters and work. I am very sad about having to leave my baby girl tomorrow, but today I am going to snuggle. I'm going to snuggle with Jordan and Evelyn and remember our wedding day. I am thankful for the last 3 years of marriage with Jordan and the last 11 weeks with Evelyn. We have a blessed life and I look forward to many, many more years.

 I love you more today than  yesterday, but far less than tomorrow.

And Now You're Even Older

.Birthdays. 

I am really not old enough to dread birthdays, and I think they are great days to be reminded that you are truly loved by your family and friends. Hundreds of Facebook posts, text messages, and phone calls remind you of that. 

But my birthday this year really feels different. I knew my birthday was coming because it was October and the day would eventually be here, but I kept forgetting. Things have changed this year. I am not closer to 30 than to 20. I'm 26. Mid twenties, but almost late 20's. Life is real now. I was a freshman in college 8 years ago. Those years are going to continue to get farther and farther away. I'm really an adult now. Not that I wasn't before, but it sounds for formal now. But isn't age just a number, but that's a whole different discussion.....

The real reason that my birthday doesn't matter anymore is because of my daughter. Now, I don't want her to ever think she made mommy forget her birthday and feel bad about it. My birthday doesn't matter anymore because everyday with her is far more important than celebrating MY birthday. "Me" just doesn't matter like that anymore. My desires pale in comparison to her desires. All I want for my birthday is to spend it with her AND Jordan. Sure, I might buy myself some shoes, or some clothes, but I don't see the need to fuss over my birthday anymore. 

What will this mean for future birthdays? I want to make sure that I take a little bit of time for my on my "special" day, but its hard to find that balance for me right now. Maybe its because Evelyn is so young still and it will get easier as we fall more into this new family life that we have, or maybe it will always feel like this. 

I think its important to look back at my previous year and celebrate the accomplishments while reflecting on faults. I also want to look ahead at the next year and dream about amazing things I could conquer. Instead of celebrating my birthday with gifts and parties, I want to celebrate life's little blessings and know that I am loved.  

{One} More Week

How can this be? How is it almost time for me to go back to work already? 

I am blessed to have been able to take {12} weeks of maternity leave. Technically it will only be 11 weeks because they took me off work about a week before she was born, but who's counting? 

I am blessed to love my job. 

I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand how hard it is to come back after having a baby. 

I am blessed. 

But all this doesn't make me any less sad to have to go back to work. I mean look at that face! 

I have been able to look at that face pretty much all day, everyday since she's been born. Yes of course we've gone out on dates without the baby, she has stayed home with Jordan while I run errands, but for the most part, she has been with me for most of her little life. I'm not quite sure how I will feel on that first day when I won't see her all day. Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me sad. 

I know its a good thing for all 3 of us for me to head back to work. Lets be honest, I'm not the best at staying home. I have come to really respect (and envy) you stay at home moms. And yes, I realize that you don't just stay at home all day every day. My career is so much more than just a career to me. Its apart of who I am, and I couldn't imagine not being a nurse and not working. 

I am excited to fall into our family routine. I feel like we've been living a fantasy life. Jordan has been home the whole time I've been home and its been amazing. But all good things must come to an end right? 

I look forward to this next chapter of balancing myself, being a wife, motherhood and my career. I know we'll have ups and downs. But we will work it out. 

So for now, in this last week of fantasy, I am going to breathe deeply, cherish every minute and live in the moment. I am going to cook dinners for my husband and be a stay at home wife for another week. I'm not going make plans and allow myself to stay at home in my pj's and relax. I'm going to take baths. I'm going to snuggle my baby girl as much as possible. I'm going to take naps when she naps. I'm going to eat whatever I want, because hey, I've lost 20 lbs already and I'm only 11 weeks out. One more week and I won't have so much down time. I'm going to pray for my sanity next Thursday. One more week. One.More.Week.

2 months old!

2 months, happy in her crib! 

Sunday our wonderful daughter turned 2 months old. Many ups and many downs have come our way, but it has been an amazing ride. She has grown so much (although people say she is still "petite") and is coming more into her little personality. We have mastered going out to run errands with a baby. We have learned how to function on just a few hours of sleep. Evelyn continues to wrap Jordan around her fingers with each little smile and quality daddy time.

Evelyn and our pup Chloe have become very good friends. Chloe is never far away. She is always checking on Evelyn and needs to know where she is. She will come up and lick Evelyn all over and Evelyn just loves it! When its time to play on the floor Chloe comes right up and has to be in the action. I'm not sure if its all Chloe wanting to be around Evelyn or if its part Chloe needing more attention. Either way, I love seeing both of them enjoy each others company!

Best friends! 

Evelyn is really pretty funny. She has the best expressions. She talks to you through her eyes. She crinkles up her nose and does her little winks and just melts our hearts. I have about 30 videos each day capturing all here little facial expressions. I just can't believe how talkative she has become in the last few weeks. I mean, I kind of expected her to be a talker, and she might get that from me. Oh well. She's way cuter than I am and I'm sure she will have much more important things to say than I ever will! She has the quietest little voice that is learning a ton of new sounds. It amazes me every time she makes a new little sound, and she usually has a facial expression that goes along with it. I just smile and laugh, oh how it melts my heart.

She is just amazing. We have done so much in her 2nd month.
First trip to the hair salon
Slept {8} hours overnight!
Running with mom in the stroller
Spent a whole day with dad {mommy's day out}
Lunches with lots of mommy's friends
Started sleeping in my crib
Loving tummy time
My hair keeps getting thicker
                                 Smiling's my favorite
                                 I have a serious sad face with a big pouty lip!
                                 {how do they know the pouty lip already?}
                                 I'm not crying *quite* as much
                                 I love looking in the mirror
                                {Almost} grown out of newborn clothes!

I know I've said it before, and I'lll say it again. It has been the most amazing thing to be Evelyn's mommy. I can't quite believe how a little baby can change my life in such a short time. Every day I want to be a better person for her. I want to be the best example of a caring, giving, passionate, Jesus loving woman. I can't wait to see her personality continue to come out in little ways over the next month. She is an amazing little person. We have many changes coming in her next month as I head back to work, Jordan starts flying again and we'll have a babysitter coming to our home. It will be interesting to see how we all adjust to our "new" normal. I'll leave this post with one last smiley picture of our girl. We are so blessed!

This too shall pass

I'm sitting here on the first cool (cold!) fall evening rocking my sweet baby girl. She is having a bad evening. Some of our evenings (days) are like this, although I haven't quite figured out what brings all this on. I wish I knew so I could stop it before it starts, but not because I don't like the crying or because I'm tired. Its because I hate seeing her upset and in pain. I can tell she is hurting, but she just can't tell me exactly whats wrong. So we rock. And we rock. And we rock.

The best gift I got from our baby shower is my Moby Wrap. It has been a life saver. I can still be productive on days or evenings when my sweet girl wants to be held. I can go grocery shopping and strangers who think they can just come up and touch my baby and share their nasty germs with her don't think of reaching out with their grimy hands. I *might* be part germ-a-phobe, and this is just an added bonus of the wrap. But the biggest bonus of all is that my baby girl likes it. And I have to admit, I like it too. We get into quite a rhythm, dancing to songs in my head. She is up against my chest hearing my heart beat and listening to every breath I take. She feels safe and I feel like I can give her all she needs in those moments.

My sweet girl finally finds sleep. I'm not sure how long her peace will last, but I take refuge in those moments watching her eyes dance as she's dreaming. Her beautifully petite features stand out to me and I get to study her face. Sometimes I don't get anything done when she's sleeping because I don't want to wake her. I feel bad on those days when the dishes go undone, or the laundry doesn't get folded. But then I realize, this too shall pass. These days are fleeting and before I know it she will be wiggling out of my arms to go move on to her next activity. I want to soak up every little snuggle I can get. I enjoy these moments even if they come after a screaming fit. I will always love these moments. I love being her mommy.

Looking back: One Month

Oh how our lives have changed in the last 30 days. From the minute Evelyn took her first breath, our life would never be the same. She has brought so much joy and happiness into our home, along with some sleepless nights. She has already changed more than I could have imagined in such a short time. She has changed our marriage {for the better} and taught us what true unconditional love is. This last month has had its share of ups and downs, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

The days following our short hospital stay were exciting, terrifying and at times overwhelming. I know they say your emotions {and hormones} are going crazy after you have a baby, but combined with the physical exhaustion and stress that my body just went through it was definitely not what I was expecting. My anxious thoughts and tendencies were taking a very strong hold over me and how I was feeling. How am I going to get through every day responsible for another person? Jordan and I will never be alone in this house again. I knew our life would never be the same once we met our sweet Evelyn, but I never thought I would feel so lost and scared about what the future would hold. When will we finally feel like things are back to "normal"? Even though I work with babies and am very comfortable with what they need, I never imagined that I would feel so overwhelmed at times. Whether I was overwhelmed with happiness, worry, or any feeling in between, I wasn't quite prepared for that. As each day went by, I started to feel more like myself and more comfortable with our new life. There are still moments that catch me off guard, but I've learned thats what this new life is all about, taking every situation head on and rolling with the punches.

During the couple weeks I couldn't have imagined all the love we felt from our family and friends. We had a {welcomed} constant stream of visitors, which kept us from going crazy being cooped up in a house with a new baby! Jordan and I have really started to settle in to our new roles as parents, and as partners when things get crazy. Jordan has been off work since Evelyn was born, so it has been really great to have meals together and enjoy this time with our snuggly little newborn! We can both have moments when we get away from the house {even if its grocery shopping} and we have still found some time for ourselves in-between poopy diapers and feedings!

But the real amazing thing about all this, is how much Evelyn has changed already. From day one she has had quite the loud voice and has moments when she doesn't seem quite happy with anything we do for her, but even her sad/mad/screaming face just melts my heart. My oh my, what a baby!

From screaming for her first 2 hours of life
Finding a rhythm in the swing
Loving the sound of the vacuum
Letting the dog lick her feet
Goo-py clogged tear ducts
Crossing state borders {to Indiana} to see extended family
Meeting her "German" family
Really *loving* tummy time
3 am wake-up parties
Celebrating 12 grand parents
Finding her voice
Smiling at mom & dad's funnies
Not enjoying when mom eats dairy products
Snuggling on daddy's chest
Sleepy smiles & laughs
Hair growing thicker by the moment
Gifting mom & dad with 6 hours of sleep {sometimes!}
Teaching mom & dad patience & the art of multi-tasking
Loving walks, especially at Celery Flats

What can we expect in the next month? I can't wait to see what Evelyn has in store for us.

Meet the {Great} Grandparents

When we got pregnant with our sweet Evelyn we soon realized that our little baby would be growing up with a unique family composition. Jordan and I are lucky enough to have both sets of our grandparents alive. Thats right. We have all 8 of our grandparents {Evelyn's GREAT-grandparents} living, never divorced and all married for over 50 years! And then we have our parents who will be the new grandparents. All that totals TWELVE {12} grandparents for Evelyn. I am honestly still wrapping my mind around how remarkable this is. So once Evelyn was born, we knew we had to make sure she met all grandparents in her first few weeks. We also wanted to get all the grandparents together at the same time to take one big group picture so we will never forget how amazing and lucky we all are to have so many people in our lives!

Gram & Gramps Spaans

Nana & Pops Hamilton

So we'll start with the brand new first time grandparents. Evelyn is the first grandchild for both of our parents. Our parents all work full-time still, so we don't have built in babysitters, but they are definitely making sure they aren't missing anything in Evelyn's life. We have frequent visits from both sets of grandparents, and they always seem to bring little gifts with each visit! 

Great Pop & Great Gram Martin

The first sets of great grandparents Evelyn met were Jordan's grandparents. We were able to head up to Jordan's parents house and everybody was able to come meet little Evelyn. Great Pop & Great Gram Martin have always been special to Jordan. He spent many weekends at their cottage & loved Gram's cooking! They both have had some health challenges and we are so thankful to have them in our lives.  Evelyn is their first great-grandchild! 

Great Gram Spaans

Great Gram & Great Gramps Spaans also hold a special place in Jordan's life. This side of his family is big and their family get togethers are always great! Evelyn is their second great-grandchild, and their first great-granddaughter. Jordan loved tractors when he was younger because of Gramps. They have also had some health challenges, which has made us all realize how precious life really is! 

Great Grandma & Grandpa Hamilton

The next day Evelyn met my 2 sets of grandparents! My Grandma & Grandpa Hamilton came over from the Detroit area to meet little miss. She is their first great-grandchild and they have the honor of being our oldest grandparents! Evelyn and I traveled down to see them in Florida when I was 18 weeks pregnant and we hope to go back down and visit them this winter! 

Great Nana & Pappy Shoemaker

Evelyn then met her Great-Nana & Pappy. They were in Minnesota when she was born so they were thrilled to meet her. Evelyn is their 5th great-grandchild, but their first great-granddaugther, I was their first granddaughter, so we are keeping that tradition going! My Nana and Pappy live very close and I'm sure they will make frequent visits to see Evelyn! 

All of our grandparents hold such a special place in our hearts. Jordan and I both grew up with our grandparents very involved in our lives. They were active with sporting events and always made it to all our big school events growing up. We can only hope that she gets to know her great-grandparents for many years and that her grandparents are just as involved as ours were {we have no doubt our parents will be VERY involved.} 

Evelyn's First Week

 So our adventure begins as parents. At home. With a newborn. Who decided it was a good idea to let us take a baby home?! It is so surreal having a little person who depends on you for everything. What a terrifying but amazing experience all at the same time.

We are blessed with a little snuggle bug. Evelyn loves to sit up on your chest and just snuggle right in to your neck and give you all the love she can. We are enjoying our snuggles and I am all too aware of how soon she will out grow this stage and move on to the next equally exciting part of her life.

First Target Trip! 

On our first day home, we already had to head out and about. Evelyn had her first trip to the pediatrician! This was a new office for all 3 of us, so it was nice that Jordan and I could both go to figure out where exactly the office was because with all the well-child visits in the first 2 years, we will be visiting there quite a bit. Hopefully the only times we have to go to the office is for well-child visits and we won't have to frequent them for illness! After her appointment, we had to run to Target for a couple small things that we needed. She was such a trooper and loved her first visit. It was nice she cooperated on her first trip out, so we can start to figure out how to go out and about with a newborn! We had hand sanitizer ready if anybody decided to come close to her because some people really don't understand not coming up to a strangers baby! Sometimes they just don't know their boundaries with babies! I have found I am a bit of a momma bear when it comes to people being around Evelyn. We don't need her exposed to anything un-necessary at this point in her life!

Loving her swing!

We have found out that Evelyn loves her swing! She loves the rocking motions, but even when its not rocking, she loves the fleecy softness and the way she is snuggled right into it. And honestly, it has been a nice break for Jordan and I. When she is sleeping during the day we either put her in her pack n play to sleep, or into her swing if she seems to be having an upset tummy.

We have been lucky enough to welcome many visitors and family over to meet our sweet girl in her first week. We are even more lucky that we have so many friends and family who live close by and are willing to be apart of her life. She is going to grow up with so much love and family, she is one lucky lady!

One of the most exciting things to happen in Evelyn's first week was her newborn photo shoot! I absolutely loved everything our photographer did. The headbands, the backgrounds, the props, just everything was so great and what was even better is that Evelyn was a willing participant! I was a little worried that she was going to be awake and not enjoy being bothered while she was sleeping, but she was great. She was pliable and slept through the whole photoshoot!

We are so, so blessed to have our little Evelyn.

The First Days

So here is our daughter....Evelyn June. She weighed 7lbs 4oz and was 20 in long! She came a whole week late, much to my dismay. Now, looking back I am very grateful she was a week late because that led to her being a very good nurser and she sleeps like a rockstar (*sometimes*).

The first day in the hospital was quite a blur of visitors, getting used to my numb leg and trying to wrap our minds around the fact that we have a daughter! After she made her quick entrance to the world she decided she wanted to let us know that she has a voice. She cried for about the first hour of her life! I thought it was great, I knew she would adjust to the world quite well! You have to have a voice to be heard as you grow up ( I might regret saying this later on). Jordan, the proud daddy, gave her a good first bath. He did such a good job with it being the first time he has really been around/touched a newborn baby!

When she first came out, we didn't really know what we were going to name her. We had a couple girl names narrowed down, but we wanted to get a good look at her once she was cleaned up and then we would decide. After studying her features and having some alone time with the three of us, we decided on Evelyn June. Evelyn we have always loved and it happens to be my pappy's aunt's name (my great-great aunt) and June was my great-grandmothers name. I was lucky to know my great grandma until she died when I was in high school, so naming our daughter after her has some extra special meaning to me!

After failing my first attempt to get out of bed (almost passed out), and getting more fluid and having a little more time in our labor & delivery room, we were moved up to our post-partum room! And boy did the visitors start coming then! My co-workers were excite to come up and visit us, as was family and friends. Evelyn is the first girl on either side of Jordan and I's families, so she is quite the hit, people were very excited to buy us clothes and other fun girl things!

Evelyn adjusted to eating and being in the world very well. Our first night in the hospital with her we were very anxious to get some sleep. It was Monday night and we had been up since Sunday morning at 9am! We had been running on adrenaline for 36 hours and were about to crash. With a little baby who wasn't quite full and would love to have a bit more in her belly than I was able to give her, we were SO thankful for the nursery and the nurses willing to watch over her for us while we rested!

Family of 3 heading home for the first time! 

The next morning we woke up and felt ready to take on the world (or so we thought!) My doctor came in and since things were going so well with me and with Evelyn, as long as the pediatrician approved Evelyn to go home, we were going to be home free that day! She was born early enough in the morning that 24 hours old for her worked out well for us to go home in the early afternoon. I was a little sad we weren't going to be able to use the nursery again that night to get one last night of good sleep, but I was sooo excited to get home and start figuring life out as a family of 3!

Evelyn in her car seat for the first time

We were so grateful for the quick & uneventful hospital stay enjoying family & friends visiting with our beautiful little daughter. We are absolutely smitten with her and just couldn't wait to start our life at home!

Labor Day

Whelp, we had our baby! A little late and with a loud voice, we had a little GIRL!

Evelyn June

It all started on Sunday evening. I had been having semi-regular contractions every evening since the middle of last week. They would be crampy and would come on for a couple hours and die back down before going to bed each night. I tried EVERYTHING to keep them going and had basically given up on going into labor on my own and was planning for our induction on Tuesday. All day Saturday and Sunday I sat on my exercise ball and bounced and rolled and did everything I could. We took walks, and I tried my hardest to keep all my stomach muscles relaxed so this baby could do what it was suppose to do. But, like I said, I had pretty much given up hope that anything was going to happen. 

I can't say that I felt totally different Sunday, but looking back, things were definitely changing more than I thought. We went on a nice walk through a park with our pup and these "nothing contractions" continued throughout our walk which had never happened before. Still, I wasn't convinced that anything real would come of this. We headed home to watch the new episode of Dexter and I kept track of the time between contractions, they were definitely sticking around every 7-10 minutes. We headed up to bed and I was still pretty sure these things were gonna go away. Laying down, I was just starting to drift off to sleep, and BAM, wow that contraction took my breath away. It wasn't that terrible of a contraction, but definitely waaaaay different than what I had been feeling. I tried to ignore it and sleep through a few more contractions, then I gave up, hopped in the bath tub and gave myself an hour before I called the doctor. 

After laying in the tub and timing out contractions they were about 3-5 minutes apart, I finally was caving into the idea that I might actually be going into labor all on my own! I had so given up on that and was pretty sure my body (and the baby) were going to have to be coerced into this labor business, but boy was I wrong! By this time it was 1 am and I called the doctor, he said to c'mon down to the hospital. I woke up Jordan and told him the news. He needed to shower and shave and I was totally fine with that...until the contractions continued to get worse much faster than I expected. And they were now consistently 2-3 minutes apart. Holy moly, this was really happening! 

We get to the hospital and I was dilated to 3cm. I was having terrible back labor and that was the most difficult thing for me in that moment. When you first get to the hospital, you have to be on the monitor in the most uncomfortable bed for 30 minutes! Ugh, sitting still was the absolute last thing I could do. I knew things were going to be getting worse and more intense, but only having 2 minutes in-between contractions and the back pain was definitely starting to take its toll! We got admitted and check in to our real labor room and I couldn't help thinking that it wasn't real, that we weren't really going to be having a baby that night, that day! 

I was able to hop in the bath tub and I'm still not sure if that was a good thing, or a bad thing. I love taking baths and relaxing, and it felt so good to get into the water. And then the baby moved somehow, someway that changed everything. My contractions kicked on hard, and strong. Only 1-2 minutes apart I was no longer able to relax and talk myself through them. With the back labor and quick succession, I realize there was no way I was going to relax enough to dilate and have this baby any time soon! Sooo I got my epidural around 4 am(I never ruled out getting one, I was just hoping to be able to do it without one). It ended up being really ironic how my epidural worked. The anesthesiologist said it probably wasn't going to take away any pain in my back and down below, but would work around the front in my stomach. Well basically, he was wrong. It worked fabulously everywhere except in my stomach! And really had it not worked in my back I would have been more uncomfortable than I was, so I was grateful for the epidural I got! 

Just before 7 am I was checked again and we were at 7cm! I felt sooo relieved! I knew that getting the epidural was the right choice and everything would keep progressing just wonderfully. Because, you never know, sometimes labor can slow down once an epidural goes in! Only about an hour and a half later, the next doctor came on and wanted to check and get a baseline for her day. And lo and behold, we were complete, 10 cm! I could have cried I was so happy! My water still hadn't broke, so she broke it for me and she wanted to let me "labor down." She wanted me to feel like I had to have a bowel movement before we started pushing. After she broke my water, my contractions picked up even more and got even more intense. I never felt like I needed to have a bowel movement, but the intense pain I was feeling up front was just absolutely crazy. They decided to let me push! 

Dr. Bauer helped bring Evelyn into the world! 

Jordan was the best coach I could have ever asked for. He talked me through every contraction leading up to pushing and while I was pushing, he was even better. He said all the right things and did all the right things. We were both worried that he wasn't going to be able to handle seeing the whole labor process, but boy were we wrong! He was so intrigued by it all and watched the whole thing! As I started to push, all they could see was a full head of hair! I won't lie, I was so excited about having a baby with a whole bunch of hair! Jordan's job was to call out a boy or a girl when the baby came out. After only 15 minutes of pushing, when that moment came, he was speechless and stunned. We had a little girl! 

I never thought that this day would have gone so fast and so smoothly. I am so grateful for how speedy it went and how truly amazing the experience was. We had the best nurses and our doctor was one amazing lady! I am lucky that I didn't have to labor for longer than I did and that really, our little girl went pretty easy on me! I can't wait to experience everything else in this life with our little girl, I can't wait to watch her grow! Now comes the fun part; sleepless nights, poopy diapers, and lots and lots of baby kisses! 

Well Done, Baby

So here we are 2 days after our due date, with no end in sight. Well we do have an eviction date set for next week, but no signs of our little bugger coming any sooner than that! It really isn't all that surprising that we have a bit of a stubborn baby who is happy where it is. Jordan and I are 2 of the most stubborn people I know, and of course our baby is following in our foot steps. Now, I know that babies rarely come on their due date, or before their due date for that matter. I know it is normal and great and perfect for a baby to come whenever they feel like it. Even knowing that, it is not the easiest thing in the world to wait. I thought last week was tough to wait through, this is a whole new game.

I have been taken off work for blood pressure trouble. So now that my house is cleaned for the thirteenth time today (its only 2pm), I am sitting around, waiting for time to pass and hopefully for this baby to come very, very soon. I am far more uncomfortable in the past week than I have been all pregnancy, but no changes are happening in my body to get this baby out. I am hoping and praying that it just happens really fast and my body will snap into action without any prompting! I want more than than anything to go into labor on our own without being induced, but it is discouraging that after 5 weeks of contractions and having a 'favorable' cervix 3 weeks ago, we now have an 'unfavorable' cervix with a baby happy where it is! It is just silly to be bummed about all this because I know the end is near, but it is more challenging for me than I expected it to be. I will be the first to say, I am not coping with all this well!

With all this waiting with nothing to do, I am trying to remind myself that in a few weeks, I will be begging for some time alone and for a moment to just do nothing. I have become very emotional and just all sorts of crazy, and I keep trying to remember how blessed we are and how very, very soon this will all be over and we will have a little baby. We have our house ready, our bags ready, now all we need is a baby. Every night I've prayed for relaxation for myself, to de-stress and to have my mind be calmed. I continue to pray that our baby is safe and will be healthy when its time to meet him or her. I am trying to find patience within myself to enjoy these last few days of this pregnancy, because soon I will have to share our baby with everybody, and I've really enjoyed having the baby all to myself the last 10 months. So for now, Jordan and I are going to try and keep our minds off all things baby. We'll have a date night, we'll go to the beach, we'll sit and snuggle and enjoy the quiet in our home. All too soon this calm will be over and we'll move on to the next stage of our life. I am so excited for that next step, but I do need to remember to enjoy the quiet, calm moments of now.