A Quarter Year Old

I'm not really sure how it is already been 3 months since Evelyn was born. 

But, at the same time it seems like she's been apart of our lives forever. 

I can no longer remember days without her. What did I seriously do with all that time? 

How on earth was I ever tired before she was born? 

Life has been so wonderful with her. 

She makes me appreciate the alone time I have with Jordan even more than before. 

She brings out the best side in Jordan, and I love seeing that side of him. 

But the best thing about the last 3 months has been watching her grow. 

I am truly amazed at all she can do already. 

She found her hands

She drools everywhere! 

She is grasping toys and holding onto them (to usually put in her mouth!)

Not only did she find her hand, but that her thumb is apart of that hand! 

We went to the pumpkin patch

Started sleeping in her crib for nap time (for mom) 

She loves sitting in her bumbo seat 

She is MUCH less fussy

.....AND.....

She ROLLED OVER!! *tummy to back*

First Days Back

I'm officially a working mother. Thats a good thing, right?

It actually feels good to be back to work in some ways.

First of all, I love my job and I love working with brand new babies and their families, even if the babies are sick and the families are facing some of the hardest days in their lives while their child is sick. I love teaching people about their baby and watching these amazing little babies grow and get home to their families. There are sad and hard days at times, but it is a happy atmosphere and I really enjoy being there.

That being said, I hate leaving my baby. I hate thinking that I might miss a big milestone. I will miss smiles. And I miss spending my days with her.

Our babysitter, Kaitlyn, is making the transition SO much easier. She is young but very knowledgable about caring for babies. She loves Evelyn. That means so much to me. She says that Evelyn is her favorite baby to babysit. The fact that she is so loving with my baby makes me so much more comfortable while I'm away. But the very best thing that Kaitlyn does is send about 30 pictures a day to me while I'm at work! I get sleeping pictures, awake pictures and smily pictures. All make me feel like Evelyn isn't completely devastated that I'm gone.

I'm not sure if all working moms feel this way, but I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I wonder how anybody else could possibly take care of her as I would. I wonder if she is safe. I wonder if she knows that I miss her.

Of course, many of those feelings are my over thinking the situation. I know that she is safe with Kaitlyn or with anybody else that might watch her - I wouldn't let her stay with anybody if I was concerned she wouldn't be safe. The people we put around our family love us and especially love her.

As time goes on, this will no longer be a transition, it will be our normal routine. And that makes me a little sad. Maybe someday I can stay at home with our children and I won't feel sad about my working routine. But for now, we will all adjust to this life. I know there may be other challenges ahead of us with this routine, but we will bend and flex to adjust to the changes.

3 years ago

Today Jordan and I celebrate 3 years of marriage!

I CANNOT believe it has been 3 years. As I'm writing this, I am back to that beautiful fall day on that October Saturday...

My girls were there for me all day to help calm my nerves, and I couldn't have asked for better people to be with that day. We got to the church and even though I have no idea what Jordan was up to, I knew he was probably feeling the same way I was. Excited. Nervous. Happy. The day that I dreamed about since I was a little girl was upon me. Would it live up to my expectations? I can't believe I ever wondered if it would live up to expectations...I was completely blown away.

I remember waiting in the back of the church as one by one, my girls left me. Then it was me and my daddy. Waiting for the doors to open when I would see the man of my dreams waiting for me. That moment was unforgettable. I couldn't take my eyes off that man. My man. My dreams were coming true, and I couldn't be any happier.

The church was the perfect setting. Its what I pictured our wedding like. A big, grand BEAUTIFUL church.

Our day was perfect. There is no other way to describe it.

October 16, 2010 was so much more than my dream wedding. It was the day I made a promise to my best friend in front of God, family & friends. Marriage is not an easy road and there can be daily challenges. But I look at Jordan every day and am so thankful for the strong, humble & loving man that I get to spend my life with. He loves me through my faults and mistakes. He is patient with me when I struggle. He understands my heart and I understand his.

Today we celebrate our love multiplied through our daughter. The day she was born, I fell deeper in love with Jordan.  Seeing the way he interacts with her makes my heart melt. He is so tender with her. Today is a day to watch our wedding video and to cherish each other a little more. Its a day to be thankful for our life together as a family of 3. And its a day to look forward to our future together.

Today also marks the end of my maternity leave and the beginning of our new routine with babysitters and work. I am very sad about having to leave my baby girl tomorrow, but today I am going to snuggle. I'm going to snuggle with Jordan and Evelyn and remember our wedding day. I am thankful for the last 3 years of marriage with Jordan and the last 11 weeks with Evelyn. We have a blessed life and I look forward to many, many more years.

 I love you more today than  yesterday, but far less than tomorrow.

And Now You're Even Older

.Birthdays. 

I am really not old enough to dread birthdays, and I think they are great days to be reminded that you are truly loved by your family and friends. Hundreds of Facebook posts, text messages, and phone calls remind you of that. 

But my birthday this year really feels different. I knew my birthday was coming because it was October and the day would eventually be here, but I kept forgetting. Things have changed this year. I am not closer to 30 than to 20. I'm 26. Mid twenties, but almost late 20's. Life is real now. I was a freshman in college 8 years ago. Those years are going to continue to get farther and farther away. I'm really an adult now. Not that I wasn't before, but it sounds for formal now. But isn't age just a number, but that's a whole different discussion.....

The real reason that my birthday doesn't matter anymore is because of my daughter. Now, I don't want her to ever think she made mommy forget her birthday and feel bad about it. My birthday doesn't matter anymore because everyday with her is far more important than celebrating MY birthday. "Me" just doesn't matter like that anymore. My desires pale in comparison to her desires. All I want for my birthday is to spend it with her AND Jordan. Sure, I might buy myself some shoes, or some clothes, but I don't see the need to fuss over my birthday anymore. 

What will this mean for future birthdays? I want to make sure that I take a little bit of time for my on my "special" day, but its hard to find that balance for me right now. Maybe its because Evelyn is so young still and it will get easier as we fall more into this new family life that we have, or maybe it will always feel like this. 

I think its important to look back at my previous year and celebrate the accomplishments while reflecting on faults. I also want to look ahead at the next year and dream about amazing things I could conquer. Instead of celebrating my birthday with gifts and parties, I want to celebrate life's little blessings and know that I am loved.  

{One} More Week

How can this be? How is it almost time for me to go back to work already? 

I am blessed to have been able to take {12} weeks of maternity leave. Technically it will only be 11 weeks because they took me off work about a week before she was born, but who's counting? 

I am blessed to love my job. 

I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand how hard it is to come back after having a baby. 

I am blessed. 

But all this doesn't make me any less sad to have to go back to work. I mean look at that face! 

I have been able to look at that face pretty much all day, everyday since she's been born. Yes of course we've gone out on dates without the baby, she has stayed home with Jordan while I run errands, but for the most part, she has been with me for most of her little life. I'm not quite sure how I will feel on that first day when I won't see her all day. Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me sad. 

I know its a good thing for all 3 of us for me to head back to work. Lets be honest, I'm not the best at staying home. I have come to really respect (and envy) you stay at home moms. And yes, I realize that you don't just stay at home all day every day. My career is so much more than just a career to me. Its apart of who I am, and I couldn't imagine not being a nurse and not working. 

I am excited to fall into our family routine. I feel like we've been living a fantasy life. Jordan has been home the whole time I've been home and its been amazing. But all good things must come to an end right? 

I look forward to this next chapter of balancing myself, being a wife, motherhood and my career. I know we'll have ups and downs. But we will work it out. 

So for now, in this last week of fantasy, I am going to breathe deeply, cherish every minute and live in the moment. I am going to cook dinners for my husband and be a stay at home wife for another week. I'm not going make plans and allow myself to stay at home in my pj's and relax. I'm going to take baths. I'm going to snuggle my baby girl as much as possible. I'm going to take naps when she naps. I'm going to eat whatever I want, because hey, I've lost 20 lbs already and I'm only 11 weeks out. One more week and I won't have so much down time. I'm going to pray for my sanity next Thursday. One more week. One.More.Week.

2 months old!

2 months, happy in her crib! 

Sunday our wonderful daughter turned 2 months old. Many ups and many downs have come our way, but it has been an amazing ride. She has grown so much (although people say she is still "petite") and is coming more into her little personality. We have mastered going out to run errands with a baby. We have learned how to function on just a few hours of sleep. Evelyn continues to wrap Jordan around her fingers with each little smile and quality daddy time.

Evelyn and our pup Chloe have become very good friends. Chloe is never far away. She is always checking on Evelyn and needs to know where she is. She will come up and lick Evelyn all over and Evelyn just loves it! When its time to play on the floor Chloe comes right up and has to be in the action. I'm not sure if its all Chloe wanting to be around Evelyn or if its part Chloe needing more attention. Either way, I love seeing both of them enjoy each others company!

Best friends! 

Evelyn is really pretty funny. She has the best expressions. She talks to you through her eyes. She crinkles up her nose and does her little winks and just melts our hearts. I have about 30 videos each day capturing all here little facial expressions. I just can't believe how talkative she has become in the last few weeks. I mean, I kind of expected her to be a talker, and she might get that from me. Oh well. She's way cuter than I am and I'm sure she will have much more important things to say than I ever will! She has the quietest little voice that is learning a ton of new sounds. It amazes me every time she makes a new little sound, and she usually has a facial expression that goes along with it. I just smile and laugh, oh how it melts my heart.

She is just amazing. We have done so much in her 2nd month.
First trip to the hair salon
Slept {8} hours overnight!
Running with mom in the stroller
Spent a whole day with dad {mommy's day out}
Lunches with lots of mommy's friends
Started sleeping in my crib
Loving tummy time
My hair keeps getting thicker
                                 Smiling's my favorite
                                 I have a serious sad face with a big pouty lip!
                                 {how do they know the pouty lip already?}
                                 I'm not crying *quite* as much
                                 I love looking in the mirror
                                {Almost} grown out of newborn clothes!

I know I've said it before, and I'lll say it again. It has been the most amazing thing to be Evelyn's mommy. I can't quite believe how a little baby can change my life in such a short time. Every day I want to be a better person for her. I want to be the best example of a caring, giving, passionate, Jesus loving woman. I can't wait to see her personality continue to come out in little ways over the next month. She is an amazing little person. We have many changes coming in her next month as I head back to work, Jordan starts flying again and we'll have a babysitter coming to our home. It will be interesting to see how we all adjust to our "new" normal. I'll leave this post with one last smiley picture of our girl. We are so blessed!