The Ribs

Today was the first time I felt the baby in my ribs. What a wonderful feeling! Right? Right. Its a little shocking to me that I can feel that this early!

At first I wasn't really sure if thats what I was feeling. Our baby is very active and I feel lots of kicks throughout the day. But this was a different feeling. It was a dull pressure that didn't really kick or move away fast. It was just there. I thought it was just a random feeling. But sure enough, our little baby found a nice spot to lay right up underneath my ribs. At one point I tried to push in the area I felt the pressure to see if it really was the baby, well I certainly found out that it was. Our sassy babe kicked me right back at that moment as if he/she were saying, "excuse me! I'm trying to get comfortable!"

I just find it absolutely remarkable that the things other women talk about when they are pregnant are happening to me! I totally understand what a lot of them talk about with how cool it is to feel your baby move. There are really no words to explain it. Whether the moves are quick kicks, rolls, or hangin' out in the ribs, its just really cool. Its reassuring that everything is going as it should be, and it just constantly reminds you that you are carrying another human. That human depends on you for absolutely everything. And it will continue to depend on you to some degree for the rest of their life.

But I really would like to know how the baby finds the ribs this early. I am almost 28 weeks, and I can definitely feel the baby low. I feel pressure and I can feel little fluttery movements way 'down there.' So why is it already that I get this in the ribs? Is the baby really all that big/tall already? It just kinda blows my mind! It is kinda silly that I'm asking how big the baby, because I have taken care of many, many babies that are the size of my baby currently. I can literally walk onto my unit right now and find a couple babies that are the size of mine and just imagine how that would fit inside of me at this point. But even knowing that, and knowing that the baby really is getting bigger everyday, it is still amazing to me! I just can't wait to see what else the baby finds to mess with in the next 12 weeks!

The best days

It seems that life has a funny way of making you grateful for everything you have. 

There hasn't been one incident in particular that has really impacted me lately, there is just this little life inside of me, being a constant reminder of how precious and fragile life is. Like I talked about in an earlier post, I am very fortunate to have had the pregnancy I've had. I won't even begin to start down the list of why I'm grateful , but I just know that there are far too many things that can go wrong, and even though I am not out of the woods, I know that I am truly grateful for every healthy day that I do get. 

I've been thinking about all the destruction, death and hate that are going on in our world right now. I wonder if is much different than in the past. I mean I know that sounds a little silly because there are more ways it seems to easily kill massive amounts of people with one explosion. But how does living in such a technology centered world affect our perception of crime? We all know that big news stories about murders, wars and other bad things all get more air time. With every part of our lives being so accessible with a click of a button, I just wonder if we are just more aware of the evil that people can possess. I don't know, just a thought. 

And then I think about how blessed I am to have all the family and love I could have ever imagined. Seeing all these devastating stories on the news doesn't make me lose hope for mankind, it makes me think of the good that may come out of these situations. How people come together to help their neighbors and are more generous to each other. How people are influenced by a loved ones unexpected death and are moved to start a charity, or pledge to live their lives to the fullest because their loved one can't. People may be lead back to their religion, or volunteer more. I just think that sometimes you can't appreciate all the good in your life without realizing that there are awful things that can happen. 

Now I'm not saying that all these tragedies are good by any means. All I'm saying is that we need to all take a step back and see what good we can do without a tragedy. Why do we need something bad to happen in our lives, country or world for us to do good? Everyday I try to make the best of each day. I always try to go out and be happy and put a smile on somebody's face. I might make a fool of myself and be a little silly with things, but I don't see a reason to sit and feel sorry for myself for having a bad day. Sure, I have bad moments or times when I am stressed out and not acting as kind to my loved ones as I should, but I really try to stay positive and focus on the good in the world. I hope that other people can notice that in me and I'm not just blowing smoke up my own butt to make myself feel better about my outlook on life. 

Maybe I am infinitely happy that I am going to be a mommy and my husband is going to be the best daddy in the whole world to our little babe. Maybe I'm not quite right in the head (I know I'm probably not, but who is?). Maybe I just want to share a smile and make a difference in somebody's day. Maybe I am filled with so much peace because I know my Lord and Savior died for me and everyone else so that we can have a second chance. Whatever it is that is making me so happy, I'm just going to soak it up and enjoy it. There may be a day coming when I'm sleep deprived and my little babe won't stop screaming that I may find it hard to see the joy. But I pray that no matter my circumstance, I always will find happiness, love and joy in each and every day, because I know there are far too many people who wish they had one more day. 

A "bad" week

A "bad" week. Hmm. I just had a "bad" week. I wish there was a different way to say that you had a "bad" week. I don't typically like to categorize things into good and bad. Especially in those simple terms. There is so much meaning behind good and bad, and there are even more in-betweens with many definitions. Bad isn't always the worst and good isn't always the best, right?

I can't really pinpoint why or how this week went a little south for me. It just seemed like everything kept piling up and it never seemed to let up. Now I realize that there are many people in the world that had a worse week than I did. But hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't really had any emotional breakdowns, so with the compilation of lots of little things, it ended up being a "bad" week.  It started off on Monday with me working all day. It was a good day at work. Jordan is on reserve this month, so we never really know his schedule that far in advance, we just know the days he is on-call and could possibly fly. He had already gotten a trip to start Wednesday, so in my head when I left for work in the morning, I figured he would still be home when I got back from work. I didn't think they were going to schedule anything. But - of course they did. That was just one of those little things.

Tuesday and Wednesday I was off work, but had lots of stuff going on! I had my blood sugar test tuesday morning, a hair appointment and errands to run. And the weather was all gloomy, dark and rainy. Yuck. Same story on Wednesday. I had meetings and training for work. I left at 7 am and didn't get home until 6pm. On a day when I am not working a normal 12 hour work shift, I don't typically expect to be away from home for that long! I mostly felt sorry for my poor pup, Chloe. Jordan was gone all week and then I was super busy and I knew I still had 2 more days of work ahead of me without Jordan being home. She was going to be one lonely dog. And just thinking about that made me even more sad.

So see, like I said, stupid reasons for a "bad" week, right? It just makes me wonder why these little things add up to a "bad" week. Was there anything earth-shattering awful that happened? No, of course not, but I still  had a bad week. Why do we let these little things sneak up on us and make us have a bad week? I don't really have an answer. I don't know if I ever will. I wish it were something as easy as looking back on the week and saying- Wow that stuff was stupid, nothing bad happened. Because thats what I'm thinking right now. How ridiculous. Why is it so hard for us to remove ourselves from the situation, even just for a second, to help us realize how petty many of the things that make us have a bad day are?

True bad days and bad weeks are things you never wish to encounter. A life altering medical diagnosis, a loved ones death and too many other things I really don't want to think about. I just know that I have never had to deal with a true bad day, and I am so thankful for that. The next time I think I'm having a bad week, I am going to try my hardest to put it all in perspective. Perspective is what is hard to grasp when you are in the situation, but its important to make you grateful for what you do have, and even more thankful you're not actually having a bad day.

Sunday Project

 We've had this problem in our house. It was the late 90's every fixture craze of being gold. The nasty, tacky, shiny fake gold. Gosh, I can't even explain how much I hate that! Who would chose to put that in a home? Well apparently when our house was built in the early 2000's the previous owners decided it was an okay thing to have. I say yucky. But if that was (one of) my biggest complaint, I could handle it.

Old, nasty light & UGLY faucet! 

When we first moved in 2 years ago, we had to change a few light fixtures first because they were AWFUL!! Our main floor lights were definitely priority. We didn't need anything fancy, but we didn't want anything shiny chrome either. We went with some brushed nickel, and everything looked 100x better! 

The thing we did wait on was our bathrooms. There was nothing wrong with the lights and the faucets, and we wanted to replace much of the flooring in the house first, so we dealt with the ugly apartment style bathroom lights for a while. I can't even explain to you though how terrible our faucets were. They were nasty shiny chrome and the handles were the same, stupid shiny gold! Who combines those 2 awful things in 1 faucet? Yuck, yuck yuck! We finally decided it was time to switch that stuff out. Not some big home make-over project (we've got another project in the works, besides the babies room!), but just a swap. We went to the store and found great light fixtures for all 3 of our bathrooms and got new faucets too. What a difference those things make! I am shocked by how much brighter everything is! 

But then came my next project idea. We have the raw edge, basic mirrors in our bathrooms. Now, I really can't complain about them because they are huge and serve their purpose just fine, but they are definitely not the prettiest. I've been wanting to update them, but don't feel like buying new mirrors and then fixing the wall behind the mirrors if the new ones were different. That sounded like way to much work for me! So, I turned to trusty ole' Pinterest and found a great idea! I would put up tile around the mirror and, BAM, new looking beautiful mirror. I have to say, Jordan wasn't completely envisioning my plan and I'm pretty sure he thought I was going crazy. The guy at Home Depot thought I was some stupid housewife who saw this idea on HGTV and thought I could do it on my own. And I have to admit, I was a little skeptical myself. But I started with our half bathroom because if I royally screwed up, it was a small enough mirror that it wouldn't cost an arm and a leg to replace. 

The tile before

MOST amazing product! 

Jordan and I spent some time picking out the tile and of course, we picked out one of the most expensive ones. It was still only about $10 a sheet, but compared to some other ones, it was a bit more pricey. We found some awesome tile adhesive at Home Depot and bought a package of that and headed back home. This adhesive stuff is my favorite thing ever. You literally peel off the back side, stick it to the surface you are tiling (counter, backsplash, in my case a mirror) and then peel off the other side that has a different adhesive and stick the tile right onto it. Again, I was a bit skeptical, but it was soooo easy and worked out perfect for this project! I highly recommend this stuff, turns out its what my parents used on their backsplash in their kitchen! 

Up close of the adhesive sheet

I cut each tile out separately and chose not to get and grout, for many reasons. First, I've never grouted before. I wanted this to be a "me" project and not something that Jordan had to help me with, he has enough stuff to do around the house. Second, the example I found on pinterest didn't use grout and it looked fine. And third, how was the grout going to reflect in the mirror? The edges are exposed and you can see the back side of the tiles reflecting. 

So, here is my finished project! 

After cutting the adhesive paper, pulling the tiles off their mesh backing and sticking them all together, I think it looks pretty darn good! The whole thing only took about an hour to put together. We haven't hung it back up yet because we need mirror glue to stick it back up on the wall, with the bottom brackets still in place. 

I can't wait to do this with our other mirrors. I just have to find the right tile and go for it! It is so super easy and I think it will make such a difference in our room, along with the new lights and faucets of course! I really want to go show that Home Depot guy how silly he was for underestimating a lady on a mission! 

Blood sugar test, Ack!

So, Jordan, baby and I have made it to 25 weeks! And, unfortunately the dreaded fasting blood sugar test. Around here, they do the "new & improved" blood sugar testing, which they say is a more accurate representation of gestational diabetics. I think its stupid. I think it 'captures' all these "gestational diabetics" who aren't really. I think it drives up medical costs. But thats just my opinion. I might be slightly biased because I have to be fasting for 10 hours and then sit there for 2 hours after I drink straight sugar mix. Who tells a 6-7 month pregnant lady that she can't eat? I mean c'mon, that just isn't nice. My test is at 730 am tomorrow, and I had to start fasting at 930pm. It is now 1030, and I am starving already and have some wicked heartburn. It will all be over in 12 hours, right? But seriously, enough complaining about an important test. It really is an important test, there are many women who have gestational diabetes and it is very serious, the babies can have multiple complications. But can't I just vent it out for a second?!

I honestly though should not even be complaining about taking this test. I've made it far enough in my pregnancy to have the privilege to take it. After all my belly-aching, then I call this a privilege, you probably think I'm a little crazy! (I am pregnant, after all!) At work every day, I am reminded of women who are not as lucky as I am to have a healthy pregnancy and face many complications. There have been many patients that I have taken care of whose mothers have not made it to 25 weeks to even take this test. I am so lucky to make it this far. There are far too many women in this world who deserve to have beautiful, wonderful, healthy pregnancies and have nothing but troubles. there are too many families who are heartbroken by infertility, miscarriage, fetal loss, stillborns, severe congenital defects, and many other complications. Jordan and I are truly blessed to have made it this far.

I know it sounds silly to keep saying, I've made it this far. It sounds a little odd to me too, but that's honestly how I feel. Everyday that passes and every time baby and I make it to another Monday, I think, "we've made it this far, look at how far we've come!" There are probably many women who realize what a miracle it is to have a baby inside of them, but fail to realize how lucky they are to be where they are at. I have seen the heartbreak of having twins at 23 weeks and only have 1 survive, only to have a long, uncertain road ahead. The sadness of going into spontaneous labor at any week before 37 weeks, it happens all too often. Maybe it really sucks that I know all these things can happen. Or maybe its God's way of keeping me grounded. Now, don't get me wrong, I have moments of feeling worn out, emotional, hungry (right now), but how can I deny how absolutely blessed I am to be where I am at. How can any woman who is pregnant deny that?

Our society is so focused on instant gratification that I feel like when some women get toward the end of their pregnancy, all they can do is complain and "want it to be over." I'm not saying those thoughts wouldn't cross my mind, I've never been to the end of a pregnancy before, but I sure as hell know I will not be complaining when I am, God willing, at that point. We are so ready to be over with that part in our lives, that we sacrifice our bodies natural rhythm to go into labor when the baby is ready. I know there are situations when inductions are needed, but I hear of people all too often of "wanting" to be induced at 39 weeks, because they are "big enough" or too uncomfortable. Well, I could think of at least 30 women currently with babies on my unit and many more before them who would give their right arm to be uncomfortable at 39 weeks with a big baby. Our gestational period as humans is 40 weeks, there is a reason for that. Yes, many babies do fine a few weeks before then, and no we don't want our babies overdone due to the complications that can be associated with that, but we use 40 weeks for a reason, its what's best for the babies! Isn't that what being pregnant is all about anyway, the baby?

Why is it so easy to lose tract of the miracle that has been going on inside of us for 40 weeks and just complain? We get to house a precious life for those 40 weeks, just us and the baby. Like I said, I am sitting here in my happy 25 weeks, mostly comfortable and feeling great, so I do have a biased, cheery disposition on the whole thing. But I have nothing to complain about. I have a wonderful husband who always supports me, my baby is healthy, I am in good health, and everyday I am one day farther, I am one day closer to meeting my baby. Every time I think something is awful or I feel "terrible" I just think of the women who would die to be in my shoes. There are far too many things that can go wrong to sit and think about them all day, but for me, knowing they exist and being thankful for where I am at in my pregnancy make these 25 weeks and 15 more to come that much more precious to me.