Six Whole Years!

Six years ago Jordan and I stood in front of our God, our family & friends, said our vows & made a commitment to each other. A commitment to one another to be there through thick and thin, the good and the bad, the little moments, the big milestones & support one another above all else. And six years later here we are, still learning, still growing and choosing each other every day.

In six years, we have spent many days apart, had months of training apart to endure, two cross-country moves, two (soon to be three!) kids, and many days we feel stronger than ever - other days we feel less than adequate. Its all about the journey for us and sticking together through all the mud, and all the fun.

You see, this last year has been rough on me. We moved back to Michigan after graduating UPT and I left the best friends a girl (& Mama heart) can ask for. After being together basically everyday for over a year, Jordan dropped me and the girls off at my parents house and left for 2 months of training - that was more tough. We were getting ready to move, so the girls and I stayed with my parents for those 2 months. Just after Christmas we moved to our new home and started to settle in to the Detroit area. Jordan had to then leave for another 5 months for more training and the girls and I stayed behind in Michigan to settle in to our new life in Metro Detroit. Finding our groove over here hasn't been super easy, so we are still adjusting and trying to find our niche over here. Jordan has been nothing but supportive to me, and I've never been more thankful for his love than in this past year.

Even through the mud of the last year, we have had amazing moments and have learned so much about each other and our kids along the way. We were able to spend almost a month with Jordan while he was at training and had some great adventures exploring southwestern Oklahoma. We celebrated Natalie's 1st birthday, tackled house projects inside & out, Evelyn turned 3, AND we found out we are expecting BABY #3 in late February 2017!

I took the plunge back into the working world and took a position as nurse in a NICU. It has been great to be back at work and using that part of my brain again. Jordan was the one who encouraged me to head back into the NICU world, and again, his support means the world to me. We've had to add another babysitter to cover some days I'm at work and he's had to shift some of his work around, but we're making it work.

At the spot he proposed 8 years earlier

Thats pretty much how this year has been, making it work. As our dynamic changes, we change and adapt to everything that has come our way. I'm proud of where we are and where we are heading. Things haven't been as rosy as we expected at this point in our "Detroit journey" but - our girls are happy, we are happy, and we are supporting each other every day and enjoying all the crazy life can throw at us.  

Another year of marriage down that has challenged, rewarded and encouraged us to be the best version of us. This life is ours to make it what we chose, and we chose each other. Thats the most important choice we can make, and I'm so glad Jordan is the one I get to do this life with.

I love you more today than yesterday, but far less than tomorrow.
10.16.2010

Natalie is ONE!!

This girl is Natalie Jane. 

This girl is one. 

This girl is silly.

And a whole year has passed since we met her cute little face with her full head of dark hair. We were living in Oklahoma, away from our biological families. But we were with the next best kind of family - the best friends you could ever ask for. We were surrounded by love in our little house in Enid and we were over the moon in love with our new little girl. 

It was such a weird time for Jordan's training and it honestly is a blur now. He finished training 5 months after Natalie was born. We left our cozy little Oklahoma life & headed back to Michigan. The girls and I moved to Metro Detroit and we spend 7 months living apart from Jordan while he finished up his training in Oklahoma. We've met some great neighbors and friends as we're finally getting settled here. 

And my, oh my, has Natalie brightened our world. It was apparent early on that she had blue eyes (thanks Hamilton genes), but her hair stayed dark for a while. Since we moved to Michigan it kept getting lighter and lighter. I swear its growing in white.

 I look back at her early pictures (this one she is about 2 months old) and its so crazy to think its the same baby! 

When Natalie started crawling at 5 months, I should have known it was a sign of things to come. She is a determined little thing. She isn't very vocal, but she lets us know what she wants. 

She is hilarious. And I really mean it. She knows how to be funny, and how to keep our attention and keep us laughing. She is a little entertainer. Her laugh is the funniest little giggle and she sounds like she's faking it sometimes (to make us laugh more, of course). 

She gets into everything. She climbs the stairs and plays in her sister's room before I know she's even left the room. She has to climb over everything or any person in her way - she doesn't go around. She climbs under tables, behind couches, and through our table. Pretty soon she's going to be climbing on the couches and, my gosh, I'm not sure what else is next. 

She is usually on some level, hangry. She loves to eat. She eats more than Evelyn does, yet is still below the 10th%ile for weight. Along with eating all the food, she tries to eat anything she can fit in her mouth. And she gives me mini-heart attacks just about every day with that habit. Her current non-food favorite thing to eat is sand. She literally shovels it in her mouth any chance she gets. Evie keeps telling her its yucky, but she doesn't quite understand yet. 

Natalie decided to start walking the day after her daddy got back from his 7 months of training. Since she started crawling at 5 months, she is just faster and more efficient crawling. She takes steps all over the place, but her preferred mode of movement is crawling. Even if its on concrete outside. She'll learn soon that its easier to walk outside! 

She hasn't had her 1 year appointment yet at our new doctors office, so I don't have all her stats. She is probably around 17lbs. She doesn't really have rolls, and she's got the skinniest little legs, its almost comical! She's rocking her Applecheeks cloth diapers though, so she looks like she's got a booty! She has 6 teeth (all 4 up front on top, and two on the bottom) and I think a molar is trying to work its way in. She has been a pretty darn good teether, I've been impressed! 

I can only imagine what is to come with this little bundle of awesome that is Natalie Jane. She brings to much joy to our family. I love watching her take in the world. She is bright, observant and daring. She is care-free and seems to be quite spontaneous. I love her sense of adventure and her go-with the flow attitude in many situations. 

Tonight we celebrated just with our little nuclear family and she had her first taste of sweets. Save to say she loved it. And she might have inherited her mom's love of chocolate. She gets to smash another cake for her 1 year pictures this weekend, and then again for her birthday party with our extended families. She is a lucky girl. But hey - you only turn ONE once!! 

Mommy & Daddy love you SO much Nattie Jane. Thank you for being the shining star in our life. We love watching you grow & can't wait to see who you become. Love you baby girl! 

On the Eve of Turning One

My sweet girl Natalie turns one tomorrow. 

Another year has gone by and its a time to pause and remember how far and how much we've done in a year. But before I trolled through my memories I rocked my sweet baby to sleep. 

Its about the only time she's snuggly (with me at least) these days. She's still holding on to nursing and I'm not going to fight it yet. 

Honestly, most nights I try and stay awake during these quiet moments playing  game on my phone, shopping on amazon or mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. After Evie had outgrown the "nursing  to sleep phase," I always said I would take more time to enjoy those moments. This year has been different with Jordan being gone for the last seven months, I've had to keep Natalie's snuggle time shorter as Evie waits for me to get Natalie down before she heads to bed. 

Jordan has been home for the last week of Natalie's first year. With our family back together,  more snuggles have happened for this momma and the little one. 

I want to soak up these last moments of baby-hood. She's a wild little one and her snuggles are the sweetest. We're sitting sideways in my comfy rocking chair with my left leg tucked under, just in case I decide to doze off...I've found its the comfiest position for when its time to move.

She sleepily flails her arms around usually smacking her forehead. Her eyes get heavier and heavier, and she's usually making noises until she finally settles. I can tell she's asleep, but I can't move yet. I just watch her chest rising, her twitching feet, & her eyes fluttering as if she's dancing in her dreams. I get up as smooth as possible in a cushy rocking chair. 

She stirs just enough to know I'm walking to her bed, but she doesn't fight it. I kiss her little face as many times as I can before I know she'll wake up. I lay her in bed on her side and she flips to her belly. She usually mutters a quick little sound as she tucks her blanket by her face and snuggles in for the night. 

And then I realize again that tomorrow she will be one. One whole year of putting this girl to sleep every night in the same way. I want to burn these nights into my mind because far too soon, they will be memories that won't shine as brightly as they once did. 

I feel so lucky to have been tasked to be her mommy and the one who spends the last minutes with her each day. Maybe one day I'll share these sweet moments with her dad :) 

10 Months Down

Can it be? Miss Natalie is 10 months old! 

In the midst of a stomach bug causing havoc in our house this little one turned 10 months old. 

She took it like a trooper, even though she puked more than I would have liked. I got lots of snuggles out of it all, and I soaked them all up. She isn't usually a snuggly girl so I knew she was feeling pretty terrible. 

She isn't walking yet, and that is perfectly fine with me! She has been crawling for so long and is so proficient at it I don't think she cares to walk at this point! 

She is a busy, busy girl and continues to babble and enjoy the world around her. She loves her puppy Chloe, and always stands at the door, babbling and squealing to see what Chloe is up to. 

Natalie has figured out how to climb the stairs and makes a break for them when she knows the gate isn't up. 

She has two little teeth on the bottom that have poked through quite uneventfully, and I don't see any more that are imminent, so she might have a gummy smile still for her one year pictures! 

She is so funny already and knows how to make people laugh and has an infectious smile. I can't believe I have to plan her first birthday party already! 

Its crazy to think how far we've come in 10 months, not just Natalie's development, but as a family. We were in the midst of grueling training for Jordan, living away from family, and I'm getting ready to head back to work. 

These next two months are going to fly by as we wait for Jordan to come home and get ready for Natalie's birthday party! I can't believe I only have two more months of my sweet little baby before she is officially a toddler. I feel like it was just yesterday that Evelyn turned one and she's almost 3 now. Holy cow, time slow down! 

Lately

Its been just about three weeks since we left Oklahoma
for the last time in the foreseeable future. 

We said goodbye to Jordan as he headed back for a few more months...
May sounds like an eternity. 

The girls and I have fallen back into our routine,
and we are nice and settled, minus Jordan of course. 

Thank goodness for technology, it really makes us feel like he's not so far away. 

Letting my thoughts linger on his void is not my style,
but lately its been on my mind more than usual. 

It might be the fact that I'm planning to go back to my nursing career in the next few months and I'm unsure of how I feel about it. The career minded Lisa from a short 1.5 years ago would be shocked at my lack of desire to get back into the medical field. I'm overwhelmed by options for employment. From what hospital/clinic to work at, what type of nursing I want to do, where I want my career to go...do I even want to go back? Can't I just focus on my photography business? How would I leave nursing and the career that has defined who I am and who I wanted to be for most of my life. I have good options, and I should apply, but I'm just not ready yet. I could burst into tears at the thought of going back to work. And lets be honest, I would work 1-2 days a week, maybe only 8 hour days. Its not that much work. But I'm terrified of it.

These girls have turned me into a total mushy mess. 

It doesn't help that I still haven't really met anybody here. I don't bring this up for pity, because really, being a functionally single parent right now I haven't had time to go find and make friends. I talk with my close friends daily and catch up with old friends from time to time and I'm far from lonely, but certain days and moments it would be nice to have "people" nearby. Winter in Michigan is a hard time to be new, so I'm looking forward to the warmer weather. Maybe we'll meet more neighbors when we all stop being hermits. 

My girls are growing and I want to bottle up every second. 

Evelyn has recently potty trained and she's been more emotional, that happens with a big developmental leap, ya know?! Some moments she's upset and sad, and then other times she is the sweetest she's ever been and just wants to be close and snuggle. After checking out preschools (what the, WHAT!?) I've really noticed how sensitive and shy she really is and I don't want her to grow up and out of that too fast. How can I slow time down and just bottle all her sweetness up? 

But mostly. I just miss my husband. I miss his presence and I miss how secure I feel with him. Shoot, I miss having real life adult interactions. The girls miss their daddy. I am so ready for this training to be done so we can all get to living together all under the same roof again! Its only a few more months...I'm about to start a count down. 

Natalie is 9 Months old!

Holy Moly! Natalie is 9 months old already. How is this even possible? 

 She is a happy & rambunctious little baby girl. 

She is really coming into a goofy personality & I can't wait to keep experiencing life through her eyes. She has this gleam and excitement around her and everybody loves being around her. 

Her rambunctious side is a bit crazy at times and keeps us on our toes. 

Since Jordan is stuck in Oklahoma, we loaded up the girls and stayed with him for THREE whole weeks. It was great to all be together again and we had fun adventuring around as a family and seeing friends. We had gorgeous weather and we spent a lot of time at parks & at a nearby wildlife refuge. This was Natalie's first time in a back carry and I think it was a success. She slept like this for quite a while towards the end of our walk. Did I mention her hair keeps getting lighter and lighter? This picture of her hair flowing back reminds me how very light its getting! 

This girl is going to give us a run for our money. Have I mentioned that before? She climbs up stairs and gives us the sheepish grin and goes faster once she knows we see her. She eats everything in sight, even pieces of wood chips and rocks and really anything she can find. One of her favorite things is to pull hair, whether on purpose or not, she usually finds Evie's long hair and grabs ahold at least once a day. And sweet Evie, just rolls with it and moves on.



Two days before she turned 9 months old, she FINALLY made her first babbling sounds. You know the sounds 4-6 month olds make, ba, da, la, etc. She hadn't made any of those sounds and I won't lie, I  accepted the fact that she would need speech therapy by the time she was one. And maybe she still will, BUT - she started babbling. She's got the sweetest little voice and its music to my momma ears!

She also popped her first little tooth through the day after she said her first sound, right before we headed back to Michigan. She just wanted to be with her daddy & in Oklahoma when she did two big things for an almost 9 month old! She is starting to stand alone next to toys and the couch, but isn't taking steps away from anything yet. I'm okay with her taking all the time she needs to start walking! A 5 month crawler was early enough for me.

We are lucky to have Natalie in our little family, she is a silly little one and I love watching her learn and grow each day!

A Day in the life {of a wife} at UPT

This post become lost in the shuffle of moving and the holidays. I'm down in Oklahoma visiting Jordan for some more training, and re-visiting some of our UPT routines & fun. So I thought this would be the perfect time to post this. What days those were & how I wish I could slow that year down to cherish those days with my girls and our amazing friends! 

A day in the life at UPT...

We wake up at 0700 to reville, just like at summer camp. A trumpet blowing through the loudspeaker system is a pleasant wake up call, right? Truthfully, I don't hear it anymore unless I'm already awake. Even when we first moved here, it wasn't always reville that woke me up. Its the T-6's that start buzzing the house just after sunrise every weekday morning. I think they fly at about 400ft above our house, which isn't very high, so we hear lots of engine noise every day. Back when I was pregnant I'll never forget trying to nap when Evie napped and I always threw a pillow over my ears so the planes would be a bit muffled.

We have an active playgroup on base for the pilot-trainee spouses and we always have a great time! We go for walks around base, play at the park, go to a local church that has tons of toys, and we rotated playgroups at our houses. I thank God for this amazing group of ladies. Our husbands did 12 hour work days, 5 days a week for almost every day this past year and we filled each others time with friendship & laughter - for us and our kids!

In the heat of the summer we cooled off at the pool on days that Natalie was agreeable to being in the heat. A newborn in 100 degree heat, is not the most fun. She would get so hot so fast, and it was trouble some days to corral Evie in the pool and keep Natalie happy & cool. Again, thank God for my friends who helped me with one of the kiddos so we could get out of the house and enjoy the pool! I was so grateful for them on those days. If I didn't feel adventurous enough to head to the pool, I would fill up our little kiddie pool outback and put loads of sunscreen on Evie and we'd play outback in any shade we could find.

After an afternoon of fun, it was time for me to cook dinner. I won't lie, it took me a while to get in the groove of cooking every night. With working full-time before, I wasn't always cooking dinner with a plan. But I found that meal planning brought me great joy and most weeks I had our dinners cooked and ready for when Jordan got done with work.

At 1700 (5pm) its the end of the work day. Time to hear "retreat" and the national anthem. This may or may not be a highlight everyday for Evie. She stops dead in her tracks, runs over to me and stands and listens. At the park, in the house, out in our backyard, wherever we are she stands and listens to every note and loves every minute of it. At the end, she says "YAAAAY" and claps and jumps around like it's a celebration. Everyday it fills me with so much pride and is so special to be on base listening to the hum planes and the T-6 buzzing overhead, it really is kind of special!

Thats another fun thing about UPT, you can guess when your husband may be home, but he could forget to tell you a change in plans and you could wait and wait for him to let you know where he was! Or maybe that's just my husband. I was usually on board with his plans, but sometimes I wasn't updated. And some days he just had no idea when he would be home. So most nights, I planned dinner for Evie and I, and I made a best guess for when Jordan would be home. Most nights I was pretty close and it worked out!

The best part of the day, hands down, is when Jordan strolled through our door and was home for the evening. Even if he had more studying to do at home, he was here with us! Evie would "help" him study and I was just happy to see my husband!

It took me a good while to adjust to this lifestyle. This stay-at-home mom life. I was not good at it for a long time. I'm still not "good at it" in many ways. I'm past longing for that gratification and satisfaction of going to a job I loved, and I've found a purpose and happiness within my home. For so long I felt lost and wasn't sure how people did this long term. I was so used to basing my life around my career, and knowing I was good at my job. So when that was gone, I was lost on how to feel like I was doing a good job. It is far from easy, this staying at home job. My house is not perfect and clean (although I wish it was!), and I still suck at putting away laundry. I have bad days and good days. But every day I spend with Evie and Natalie is one I can never get back. I'm not measuring my life purpose on a career anymore. Now I focus on having happy, healthy and curious kids. I want to be as much as I can be for my girls now that daddy is gone most days. I am the parent they will rely on for daily needs, and thats a big job. I couldn't do it without my supportive and loving husband, and focusing on what my girls need to continue to flourish gives me such joy. I want them to be and do whatever they can dream, and I hope I can help them achieve those dreams.

The end of the day, at 2100 (9pm) is the playing of Taps. The time when I get teary and honestly reflect on how lucky to have the life I do. For some reason I always picture a military funeral with family & friends mourning the loss of their soldier when I hear the slow, sad notes play over the loudspeaker. Its a reminder everyday of how important our support as a military family is for Jordan and the rest of the armed forces to protect our great country. Its the end of another day, and time to look forward to the months to come.

Now that we are transitioning back to 'real life' as I like to call it, and moving back to Michigan, I am gearing up to head back to work. I'm finally getting into a groove with this staying at home business, but I'm ready to tackle a new balance in our life in Michigan. I won't go back full-time, and I will most likely play a different role than I did as a NICU nurse, but having this year taught me so much of the importance of time with my girls. They will have a new balance too, but I'm confident they will transition and adjust just perfectly.

Isn't it Hard?

Yes, the answer is YES. 

Most of the time when people find out my husband is a pilot and is gone quite often I get the polite, customary response of "Oh, wow you must have your hands full" 

Thanks captain obvious. 

That's what my brain says at least. 

I usually respond with something along the lines of "well, yeah, but we make it work!" 

I mean, what am I suppose to say back to that? 

I'm not usually on my game to say something witty back, but someday maybe I will. 

The truth is, it sucks. But not every moment sucks. Most days flow by with FaceTime chats, quick text messages & phone calls to end the night. And thats normal for us, and its good and works to get us by until the next time we're physically together. Some days are epically terrible, with meltdowns - from me and the girls - arguments, loneliness & sadness. Sometimes we have a whole trip that is bad, and sometimes when the stars align and angels are singing we have a whole trip that is good. 

And sometimes we're in the middle of a 6 month separation for training, that is taxing on everybody. Yes, we could have moved across the country, with much of it at our own expense a total of four times in under 2 years, and stayed with Jordan at training, but we chose for me and the girls to settle down in a place we know we'll be for years to come. And we are happy with this decision. Well, most days anyway. 

Today was a weird day. Not a particularly bad or good day, just a pretty standard day. We had music class and followed our day-time routine with a FaceTime call around dinner. Anytime we're on FaceTime, Natalie practically breaks her neck and lunges at the iPad to see her daddy. She's kind of obsessed with him, and that is fantastic. Evie goes about her playing and shows her dad everything she's building or coloring. Today I sat back and thought about how crazy it is that this is our normal. 

It is sad and good - bittersweet you might say - that our girls are so used to FaceTime being apart of how we talk to their daddy. I'm proud that they are well adjusted in that way, and can enjoy daddy time and he can truly be apart of their days. In those moments I'm also sad for them that their dad is away. 

I was teary tonight as I was getting Evie in bed, and we called daddy one last time. "He" was propped  up on the pillow and Evie was talking away just as if he was sitting right next to me. She giggled with him, and he laughed back at the silly things she was saying. She gives the best bear hugs and every time we get off the phone, she has to give daddy a big hug - and a smooch - before she pushes the button to hang up. She hugs that iPad like she's hugging her daddy and smooches him right on his face. As much as I'm sad for Evie & Natalie when I get all emotional like this, I'm most sad for Jordan. 

Jordan is stuck in a town he doesn't want to be in advancing his career and doing amazing things, but his girls are 16 hours away. He's forced to watch them learn things and grow on a tiny screen in a lonely crash pad. He sleeps in a house that people rotate through as they do training and has all the convinces of home, without being home. He doesn't have roommates at the moment so he really is alone. For some reason, it hit me tonight how difficult this is for him. Seeing him sitting in a recliner, so in the moment with his little girl and enjoying every second.

New Year, New Beginnings

Hey, its 2016! 

What a year this will be! 

After a dismal 2 months following pilot training, I feel like life has started again. I've crawled out of the deep, dark hole that was the end of 2015 for me (dramatic, I know) and come out to a bright & shiny 2016! It truly is a year of new beginnings with a whole lot of new-ness in our lives. 

We bought our second home and closed just before Christmas, and we are so excited about it. We practically stole it, and it will support our family for years to come. If we choose, we never ever have to move again - it's that great! Stay tuned for posts regarding the re-decorating and my little projects going on. Because there will be a lot to do. Think victorian-ish bad, dark draperies - mixed with gaudy tropical decor, REALLY bad wallpaper choices (in a bathroom, huh?!) & a lack of cleaning capabilities makes for a lot of little projects spanning months. My list is long, but nothing is completely unlivable and I'm confident in my abilities to turn this house around and make it shine again! In the mean time, I will try my hardest to pace myself and stop trying to understand WHY somebody would have made these choices in a house that is only 10 years old. I'm stumped. But it will keep me busy and that is just what I need. 

 A mere 5 days after we moved into our house Jordan left again for more training. I know how hard it was for him to leave us in a new house, in a new town, not knowing the next time he'll be home before his training is done. The good news is that he's coming home this weekend, only 2 weeks after he left!! But really, these 2 weeks have been eye opening to me and have re-inforced, tested, and accelerated my skills of stay-at-home-momhood. All while still un-packing and organizing a new house with two little ones in tow. In-between naps and after bed just hasn't been enough time to get things organized in every room, do laundry, dishes & other household chores, while feeding kids and trying to not pull my hair out. I'm not trying to brag or anything, but aside from the unpacking thing, I've done a pretty darn good job of keeping us three girls sane. 

Did I mention we moved to a new town that we literally didn't know one person in? Yup, sounds sort of crazy, except we just did that when we moved to Oklahoma. So we're sort of pros at this whole thing. We're only 2 hours from family, so that is comforting, but sort of nice to have our own space. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to live close to our parents, but I'm totally okay where we are. I actually love it. I was nervous about becoming a 'metro detroit-er' (EEEKK did I say, Detroit?!) but I think we found an area that suits us perfectly and will be a great place for our family. We seem to be in a great neighborhood. Its winter in Michigan so everybody is hibernating and its tough to meet neighbors, but the few we've met have been really nice and tell us everybody else is nice too. I found a fun music class for the girls that is weekly, so hopefully through that we can forge some friends for the girls and for me as the weeks go on! 

There are an abundance of places for me to work around here and I'm looking forward to heading back to the workforce in some capacity. Not totally sure what that will look like, and even though I'm excited to engage my brain in other ways than reading Dr. Seuss and singing Daniel Tiger & Elmo jingles all day, I'm more sad than I thought I would be to head back. The hope is that I won't be full time and will still find a fulfilling role for me - hopefully in a NICU! We've found a great babysitter and have started to network some (by some I mean very, very little - but its a start!) which will hopefully lead to job possibilities and more friends for the girls and I.

Every year brings a new start as the calendar changes, but this year we are really epitomizing what it means to start new. I'm excited for just about everything in our new house and city. I'm ready for Jordan to come back home for good so we can really put our roots down and *hopefully* stay here a long, long time!

Happy New Year 2016!!!!