I am a NICU Nurse

I love my job

I loved  my job 

Notice the difference? Past tense. I loved my job. Today turned out to be one of the hardest days of my life, I left my job. I left my second home for the last 4.5 years. I left my friends, co-workers and babies that I love(d) to take care of. I left a wonderful unit and hospital for bigger & better things. {or so they say} 

I honestly didn't expect to be so taken by sadness today. At least I think it was sadness, I sure did cry a lot in these last few days. I guess I loved my job a whole lot more than I imagined. I've been so excited about our move and all the new changes coming to our family, that I didn't really think about how I would feel to leave my job and my career behind (for now). I realize now how much my job played a role in my life. Waking up at 530 in the morning, driving 15  minutes & going through my 12.5 hour shift in the NICU has been apart of my life at least 3 days a week for the last 4.5 years. Thats a lot of time in one place. 

Honestly, I've been excited about this move because I've felt like I've hit a "wall" at work and have started to feel a little stuck and ready to go back to school, take on new responsibilities or something along those lines. And sometimes I had felt in a rut. But during my last 2 weeks of work I've been feeling refreshed and have fallen back in love with my unit and my little babies. 

The difference is with being a NICU nurse is that I become apart of people's families for weeks (and months sometimes). I know nurses on other units make bonds with families, and I've worked other places so I don't want to take away anything away from other nurses, because we all do special work. But there is something a little different about being a NICU nurse. New parents are suppose to be having the best day of their lives, and they find themselves in our unit, with a sick baby. Its terrifying for them. We bond with our babies and our families while they are with us and we try to make the best out of a stinky situation with a new baby. We partner with parents to educate them and help them learn how to take care of a premie or otherwise sick baby. We spend a lot of time with our families. And as much as I may have impacted their lives, they impact me just as much. It sounds so cheesy, but its true. 

I have learned so much about myself personally and professionally over the lat 4.5 years in the NICU. I have grown in ways I could have never imagined and gained in every way possible. I participated in committees, I earned my certification in neonatology, I met amazing families with beautiful babies and I made great friends along the way. 

I will never forget all the crazy names I've seen parents give their kids, the parent drama (baby's dad blocking mom on facebook....how rude!) & everything inbetween. 

The joys of sending babies home after 150+ days in the unit, 

and the tears that came with the challenges of illness and death. 

This is not an easy thing to pack it up and leave this job I love so much. Maybe someday I will return to the NICU, or maybe this chapter in my life is over and I'll move on to something else, carrying all those lessons I learned in the rooms and halls in the NICU. 

Either way, I will never be the same person I was when I started in the unit. 

I feel like I piece of me is missing, but for now I will relish in my memories. I am thankful for what I had. I am changed forever, and will never forget the impact the NICU had in my life. 

I am a NICU Nurse. Always. 

A day in the life...of a NICU nurse

Lately it seems like I've had some crazy days at work. All seem to make me appreciate my job and all teach me something different. Some days start off with a bang, others are slow. Some days I swallow my pride & some days I shine. I never know what will happen when I walk through those doors. But I know that with a little patience, some humor & great co-workers I can get through any sort of day that the universe might throw my way.

So here's a glimpse into a day I had a few weeks back....

0640: Pull into the parking garage, head into the cafe to get some oatmeal for later. Yes I will eat this cold a few hours from now so that I don't take longer on my pumping breaks.
0653: Clock in. Not a minute earlier because "they" get cranky if its earlier than that
0700: Get my assingment for the day. See what hallway I am working down & what co-workers get to share this crazy 12.5 hours with me
0715: realize that I may or may not have an interesting day with families.
0730: drink coffee. I've been drinking coffee, but now I put it into overdrive so I can finish it before starting my day.
0745: Go meet my first family. Hope to start on the right foot with them. Realize the second I walked in that we are not on the right foot. Oh gosh, this will get interesting.
0830: leave first room. that was 45 minutes of a "discussion" of how we have been all wrong. And we can't do anything right. You people this, you people that. I am more than happy to listen to your complaints, sir. Of course I'd like to start my day bending over backwards to make you happy, which obviously isn't working. Okay, I'll leave and hopefully you feel better after yelling at a nurse who just met you.
0831: talk to charge nurse. Holy cow, these people are crazy. you're right we can't make them happy. carry on.
0835: Take care of baby who is angry his food is 35 minutes late. Good thing he eats fast. Oh wait. Not this time. He knows I'm busy at the moment and decides to choke and sputter. Oh premies and their eating habits.
0855: Feed first baby after mother has failed attempt to breastfeed. I offered to help, but I don't know how to help right so an hour late, we'll feed the kid. Sounds like a good plan to me!
0910: Feed third baby. Due at 0900. Good thing  he's sleepy. His parents are coming in later and want to give him a bottle then. Whew, I can give a tube feeding and try to catch up for a minute!
0920: Ouch, boobs are angry, gonna need to pump soon otherwise we'll have a leak.
0940: Time to break. Pump. Eat. Eat & pump and not spill milk on my pants. Always a goal. I never accomplish that goal.
1000: Check on crazy family. Do I really have to? Ugh. I'm going to act like nothings wrong and they didn't take their frustrations out on me. Smile. Be extra polite. Act like it didn't bother me. Family centered care. Family centered care.
1005: Talk with doc who is going into the danger zone. Discuss game plan. Take deep breath. Remind myself that I did nothing wrong and I'm not the bad guy. These parents are stressed out and probably are normal-ish people on the outside.
1010: Walk in with doctor for her rounds. Mother is not making eye contact. Acting like she's ignoring doctor. God Bless the doctor, she's looking at me like, WTF?! Doctor keeps talking and having a one-way discussion. Mom speaks up. Says she's been "attacked" by the nurse this morning. The "tone of voice" was mean and that she would like to have a one-on-one conversation with doctor. OMG. OMG. She just said that. Well I guess I'll leave then since I'm the only other person in the room. Its not obvious she hates me or anything. What did I do again?
1011: Do I cry? Do I laugh? I'm not even really sure how to take in what just happened. Oh well. I guess carry on? I've got other babies to take care of.
1030: Another set of parents arrive. Super nice. Super normal. Love them. What a nice change.
1045: Doctor emerges from danger zone. Thought I was gonna have to find an excuse to call her or go in and save her. Seems like she made it out alright. She feels real bad for me. Tells me over and over again it wasn't me and its not my fault and that I'm a great nurse and I did my best this morning. Wow. That was really nice of her to say. Supposedly things are smoothed over. I pray they are. I mean I can put on a nice face all I want all day in front of those parents. But seriously. That's exhausting.
1100: Start all over again. Crazy family first. Lets see how this goes. Asking mom questions because I didn't ask questions before. Getting rude answers, because why would I even ask that question? Duh, of course she knows because she's been here for so long. Oh geeeeezzzzzz.......
1115: Leave danger zone for screaming hungry kid. Feed screaming hungry kid. Ugh he's a messy eater. And slow. And angry he can't eat faster. Get it together growing premie. I'm gonna need more coffee.
1130. Chart. Chart. Chart. Check on danger zone. Feed kid super late because thats the way his family wants it done. That's fine. I don't have to deal with the kid when you take him home. Sounds good to me.
1200: Spend time with nice, normal family. They make this day tolerable. Baby is cute, happy and well-fed. All good things.
1230: Eat. Pump. Break. Caffeinate.
1300: Cover my co-workers assignments while they rotate through lunch. Check on babies. Check on families.
1400: Start again. Danger zone mom is talking to me like she's normal. And even weirder like she likes me. Having small talk, discussing normal things. What has happened? We've left the danger zone and entered the twilight zone. WTF?
1415: Feed angry baby. Same story different feeding.
1430: Twilight mom wants to chat some more. Who is this woman? Blame it on the hormones. On the outside I'm acting like this is nothing. Like this is normal. Whatever it makes her day better I guess and it makes going into that room more bearable.
1500: Ahhh. Nice family.
1530: Chart. Catch up with families. Check on babies. Love on babies.
1630: Boobs might be leaking. Need to pump.
1700: Enter Twilight zone. Baby is actually *sort of* cute. {No, not all babies are cute. Learned that fast in this job.} Same story. Weird conversations. Acting like everything is normal and not super awkward. She doesn't seem to notice, sounds good to me.
1715. Angry baby. Thank goodness this is the last time I feed him today. Man he's got some kinks to work out when he's eating!
1745: Feed Twilight baby. Staying with the whole late thing. Thats fine. Whatever....
1800: Last experience with normal family during care time is fantastic. Such a wonderful way to end my day.
1830: Talk to co-workers. Did all this crazy really happen today? Really, was it that crazy?
1900: Night shift. Yay! Thought I'd never see them.
1935: Leave unit to clock out. Thank goodness its time to go home and see my love and my baby. So grateful to have a *normal* life to head back to.


.....Sooo not too crazy right? Obviously I love my job. But NICU nurses deal with some crazy stories. I could make a whole blog on the stories we get to tell. Its like walking into a different world every day. This particular day was the first I've ever been yelled at by a family and that made it interesting.

Some days are more crazy because of a sick baby. Some days are more crazy because of even more family drama. Some days are crazy because CPS is involved and the parents are really, really crazy. Most days a sense of humor gets you through. Every day my co-workers and the love of my job get me through.