I am a NICU Nurse

I love my job

I loved  my job 

Notice the difference? Past tense. I loved my job. Today turned out to be one of the hardest days of my life, I left my job. I left my second home for the last 4.5 years. I left my friends, co-workers and babies that I love(d) to take care of. I left a wonderful unit and hospital for bigger & better things. {or so they say} 

I honestly didn't expect to be so taken by sadness today. At least I think it was sadness, I sure did cry a lot in these last few days. I guess I loved my job a whole lot more than I imagined. I've been so excited about our move and all the new changes coming to our family, that I didn't really think about how I would feel to leave my job and my career behind (for now). I realize now how much my job played a role in my life. Waking up at 530 in the morning, driving 15  minutes & going through my 12.5 hour shift in the NICU has been apart of my life at least 3 days a week for the last 4.5 years. Thats a lot of time in one place. 

Honestly, I've been excited about this move because I've felt like I've hit a "wall" at work and have started to feel a little stuck and ready to go back to school, take on new responsibilities or something along those lines. And sometimes I had felt in a rut. But during my last 2 weeks of work I've been feeling refreshed and have fallen back in love with my unit and my little babies. 

The difference is with being a NICU nurse is that I become apart of people's families for weeks (and months sometimes). I know nurses on other units make bonds with families, and I've worked other places so I don't want to take away anything away from other nurses, because we all do special work. But there is something a little different about being a NICU nurse. New parents are suppose to be having the best day of their lives, and they find themselves in our unit, with a sick baby. Its terrifying for them. We bond with our babies and our families while they are with us and we try to make the best out of a stinky situation with a new baby. We partner with parents to educate them and help them learn how to take care of a premie or otherwise sick baby. We spend a lot of time with our families. And as much as I may have impacted their lives, they impact me just as much. It sounds so cheesy, but its true. 

I have learned so much about myself personally and professionally over the lat 4.5 years in the NICU. I have grown in ways I could have never imagined and gained in every way possible. I participated in committees, I earned my certification in neonatology, I met amazing families with beautiful babies and I made great friends along the way. 

I will never forget all the crazy names I've seen parents give their kids, the parent drama (baby's dad blocking mom on facebook....how rude!) & everything inbetween. 

The joys of sending babies home after 150+ days in the unit, 

and the tears that came with the challenges of illness and death. 

This is not an easy thing to pack it up and leave this job I love so much. Maybe someday I will return to the NICU, or maybe this chapter in my life is over and I'll move on to something else, carrying all those lessons I learned in the rooms and halls in the NICU. 

Either way, I will never be the same person I was when I started in the unit. 

I feel like I piece of me is missing, but for now I will relish in my memories. I am thankful for what I had. I am changed forever, and will never forget the impact the NICU had in my life. 

I am a NICU Nurse. Always.