New Year, New Beginnings

Hey, its 2016! 

What a year this will be! 

After a dismal 2 months following pilot training, I feel like life has started again. I've crawled out of the deep, dark hole that was the end of 2015 for me (dramatic, I know) and come out to a bright & shiny 2016! It truly is a year of new beginnings with a whole lot of new-ness in our lives. 

We bought our second home and closed just before Christmas, and we are so excited about it. We practically stole it, and it will support our family for years to come. If we choose, we never ever have to move again - it's that great! Stay tuned for posts regarding the re-decorating and my little projects going on. Because there will be a lot to do. Think victorian-ish bad, dark draperies - mixed with gaudy tropical decor, REALLY bad wallpaper choices (in a bathroom, huh?!) & a lack of cleaning capabilities makes for a lot of little projects spanning months. My list is long, but nothing is completely unlivable and I'm confident in my abilities to turn this house around and make it shine again! In the mean time, I will try my hardest to pace myself and stop trying to understand WHY somebody would have made these choices in a house that is only 10 years old. I'm stumped. But it will keep me busy and that is just what I need. 

 A mere 5 days after we moved into our house Jordan left again for more training. I know how hard it was for him to leave us in a new house, in a new town, not knowing the next time he'll be home before his training is done. The good news is that he's coming home this weekend, only 2 weeks after he left!! But really, these 2 weeks have been eye opening to me and have re-inforced, tested, and accelerated my skills of stay-at-home-momhood. All while still un-packing and organizing a new house with two little ones in tow. In-between naps and after bed just hasn't been enough time to get things organized in every room, do laundry, dishes & other household chores, while feeding kids and trying to not pull my hair out. I'm not trying to brag or anything, but aside from the unpacking thing, I've done a pretty darn good job of keeping us three girls sane. 

Did I mention we moved to a new town that we literally didn't know one person in? Yup, sounds sort of crazy, except we just did that when we moved to Oklahoma. So we're sort of pros at this whole thing. We're only 2 hours from family, so that is comforting, but sort of nice to have our own space. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to live close to our parents, but I'm totally okay where we are. I actually love it. I was nervous about becoming a 'metro detroit-er' (EEEKK did I say, Detroit?!) but I think we found an area that suits us perfectly and will be a great place for our family. We seem to be in a great neighborhood. Its winter in Michigan so everybody is hibernating and its tough to meet neighbors, but the few we've met have been really nice and tell us everybody else is nice too. I found a fun music class for the girls that is weekly, so hopefully through that we can forge some friends for the girls and for me as the weeks go on! 

There are an abundance of places for me to work around here and I'm looking forward to heading back to the workforce in some capacity. Not totally sure what that will look like, and even though I'm excited to engage my brain in other ways than reading Dr. Seuss and singing Daniel Tiger & Elmo jingles all day, I'm more sad than I thought I would be to head back. The hope is that I won't be full time and will still find a fulfilling role for me - hopefully in a NICU! We've found a great babysitter and have started to network some (by some I mean very, very little - but its a start!) which will hopefully lead to job possibilities and more friends for the girls and I.

Every year brings a new start as the calendar changes, but this year we are really epitomizing what it means to start new. I'm excited for just about everything in our new house and city. I'm ready for Jordan to come back home for good so we can really put our roots down and *hopefully* stay here a long, long time!

Happy New Year 2016!!!! 

I am a NICU Nurse

I love my job

I loved  my job 

Notice the difference? Past tense. I loved my job. Today turned out to be one of the hardest days of my life, I left my job. I left my second home for the last 4.5 years. I left my friends, co-workers and babies that I love(d) to take care of. I left a wonderful unit and hospital for bigger & better things. {or so they say} 

I honestly didn't expect to be so taken by sadness today. At least I think it was sadness, I sure did cry a lot in these last few days. I guess I loved my job a whole lot more than I imagined. I've been so excited about our move and all the new changes coming to our family, that I didn't really think about how I would feel to leave my job and my career behind (for now). I realize now how much my job played a role in my life. Waking up at 530 in the morning, driving 15  minutes & going through my 12.5 hour shift in the NICU has been apart of my life at least 3 days a week for the last 4.5 years. Thats a lot of time in one place. 

Honestly, I've been excited about this move because I've felt like I've hit a "wall" at work and have started to feel a little stuck and ready to go back to school, take on new responsibilities or something along those lines. And sometimes I had felt in a rut. But during my last 2 weeks of work I've been feeling refreshed and have fallen back in love with my unit and my little babies. 

The difference is with being a NICU nurse is that I become apart of people's families for weeks (and months sometimes). I know nurses on other units make bonds with families, and I've worked other places so I don't want to take away anything away from other nurses, because we all do special work. But there is something a little different about being a NICU nurse. New parents are suppose to be having the best day of their lives, and they find themselves in our unit, with a sick baby. Its terrifying for them. We bond with our babies and our families while they are with us and we try to make the best out of a stinky situation with a new baby. We partner with parents to educate them and help them learn how to take care of a premie or otherwise sick baby. We spend a lot of time with our families. And as much as I may have impacted their lives, they impact me just as much. It sounds so cheesy, but its true. 

I have learned so much about myself personally and professionally over the lat 4.5 years in the NICU. I have grown in ways I could have never imagined and gained in every way possible. I participated in committees, I earned my certification in neonatology, I met amazing families with beautiful babies and I made great friends along the way. 

I will never forget all the crazy names I've seen parents give their kids, the parent drama (baby's dad blocking mom on facebook....how rude!) & everything inbetween. 

The joys of sending babies home after 150+ days in the unit, 

and the tears that came with the challenges of illness and death. 

This is not an easy thing to pack it up and leave this job I love so much. Maybe someday I will return to the NICU, or maybe this chapter in my life is over and I'll move on to something else, carrying all those lessons I learned in the rooms and halls in the NICU. 

Either way, I will never be the same person I was when I started in the unit. 

I feel like I piece of me is missing, but for now I will relish in my memories. I am thankful for what I had. I am changed forever, and will never forget the impact the NICU had in my life. 

I am a NICU Nurse. Always.