I am really not old enough to dread birthdays, and I think they are great days to be reminded that you are truly loved by your family and friends. Hundreds of Facebook posts, text messages, and phone calls remind you of that.
But my birthday this year really feels different. I knew my birthday was coming because it was October and the day would eventually be here, but I kept forgetting. Things have changed this year. I am not closer to 30 than to 20. I'm 26. Mid twenties, but almost late 20's. Life is real now. I was a freshman in college 8 years ago. Those years are going to continue to get farther and farther away. I'm really an adult now. Not that I wasn't before, but it sounds for formal now. But isn't age just a number, but that's a whole different discussion.....
The real reason that my birthday doesn't matter anymore is because of my daughter. Now, I don't want her to ever think she made mommy forget her birthday and feel bad about it. My birthday doesn't matter anymore because everyday with her is far more important than celebrating MY birthday. "Me" just doesn't matter like that anymore. My desires pale in comparison to her desires. All I want for my birthday is to spend it with her AND Jordan. Sure, I might buy myself some shoes, or some clothes, but I don't see the need to fuss over my birthday anymore.
What will this mean for future birthdays? I want to make sure that I take a little bit of time for my on my "special" day, but its hard to find that balance for me right now. Maybe its because Evelyn is so young still and it will get easier as we fall more into this new family life that we have, or maybe it will always feel like this.
I think its important to look back at my previous year and celebrate the accomplishments while reflecting on faults. I also want to look ahead at the next year and dream about amazing things I could conquer. Instead of celebrating my birthday with gifts and parties, I want to celebrate life's little blessings and know that I am loved.
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