Pregnant.

Written 4.22.15

This pregnancy is almost done. How is that even possible? I know I'm busy with a toddler this time around, but seriously - how are we 35 weeks pregnant this week?! I haven't taken as much time as I did when I was pregnant with Evelyn to enjoy and soak up the pregnancy. I have enjoyed being pregnant this time around just as much, but its so different. I have nothing to complain about - just some typical heartburn and the usual aches of growing a human. She has been so good to me and I can't be more excited to meet her.

There have been more questions this time around for me. Maybe its because we're away from our families and in a different state, away from the hospital and doctors that I knew so well. But I think my biggest sense of questions and 'fear of the unknown' is the fact that we are flipping Evelyn's world upside down and she doesn't even know it. Its not that I'm sad for her, I'm super excited she will have a sister so close in age. But I worry about the adjustment. I can ask my friends and family who have more than one kiddo and everybody will have a different response of how it went for them. And truthfully, some have horror stories and I don't care to hear them. I don't need to be more worried than I already am.

I am so confident in my ability to care for an infant that with Evelyn I didn't have the 'fear of the unknown' feelings. I knew what to expect for the most part. I taught families how to take care of their infants on a regular basis at work, and I had seen many friends take babies home. The baby thing is easy for me. And this time around I'm still not worried about the baby stage. A little newborn is comfortable to me and I find comfort and solace thinking about taking care of a baby. Taking care of a toddler AND  baby - now that scares me some.

This whole toddler world is so foreign to me and I worry about navigating this unknown toddler landscape. Every week - heck every day - seems to be a different phase, or a different battle, and definitely a different mood. No day is predictable and while that is fun, I wish I knew more about navigating this toddler world. I am constantly wondering if I'm doing the 'right thing.' Am I teaching her enough? Am I missing anything? Is this stage/phase/milestone normal? Is she suppose to be this sassy?!

I think about the change from a family of three to a family of four. With one kiddo, yes, our world is different and we are living in a toddler tornado, but for the most part we can bring her along with us, and after the initial shock of having a person to take care of, the adjustment was pretty darn easy and felt so normal. Will this transition feel as normal? This unknown is a major source of stress for me when I dwell on it for too long. I'm good at that - dwelling on thoughts that I have no control over. I've heard people talk about the difficult transition from one to two children, so I might have some justification in these thoughts, but I know I shouldn't dwell too long.

I need to trust the process and trust that we have given, and will continue to give, Evelyn enough love and grace to get through this adjustment. Although I have been occupied with our toddler tornado and thoughts of the transition to come, I have been blessed by a beautiful, wonderful pregnancy and I am so grateful for that. This may be our biggest challenge as a family to date, and we may not have any clue what is about to hit us, but I am confident in our family and I know we are capable of welcoming this little girl into our lives with as much love and excitement as we welcomed Evelyn.

Did I mention we only have 5 weeks left?!