First Days Back

I'm officially a working mother. Thats a good thing, right?

It actually feels good to be back to work in some ways.

First of all, I love my job and I love working with brand new babies and their families, even if the babies are sick and the families are facing some of the hardest days in their lives while their child is sick. I love teaching people about their baby and watching these amazing little babies grow and get home to their families. There are sad and hard days at times, but it is a happy atmosphere and I really enjoy being there.

That being said, I hate leaving my baby. I hate thinking that I might miss a big milestone. I will miss smiles. And I miss spending my days with her.

Our babysitter, Kaitlyn, is making the transition SO much easier. She is young but very knowledgable about caring for babies. She loves Evelyn. That means so much to me. She says that Evelyn is her favorite baby to babysit. The fact that she is so loving with my baby makes me so much more comfortable while I'm away. But the very best thing that Kaitlyn does is send about 30 pictures a day to me while I'm at work! I get sleeping pictures, awake pictures and smily pictures. All make me feel like Evelyn isn't completely devastated that I'm gone.

I'm not sure if all working moms feel this way, but I'm sure that I'm not the only one that feels this way.

I wonder how anybody else could possibly take care of her as I would. I wonder if she is safe. I wonder if she knows that I miss her.

Of course, many of those feelings are my over thinking the situation. I know that she is safe with Kaitlyn or with anybody else that might watch her - I wouldn't let her stay with anybody if I was concerned she wouldn't be safe. The people we put around our family love us and especially love her.

As time goes on, this will no longer be a transition, it will be our normal routine. And that makes me a little sad. Maybe someday I can stay at home with our children and I won't feel sad about my working routine. But for now, we will all adjust to this life. I know there may be other challenges ahead of us with this routine, but we will bend and flex to adjust to the changes.

{One} More Week

How can this be? How is it almost time for me to go back to work already? 

I am blessed to have been able to take {12} weeks of maternity leave. Technically it will only be 11 weeks because they took me off work about a week before she was born, but who's counting? 

I am blessed to love my job. 

I am blessed to have amazing co-workers who understand how hard it is to come back after having a baby. 

I am blessed. 

But all this doesn't make me any less sad to have to go back to work. I mean look at that face! 

I have been able to look at that face pretty much all day, everyday since she's been born. Yes of course we've gone out on dates without the baby, she has stayed home with Jordan while I run errands, but for the most part, she has been with me for most of her little life. I'm not quite sure how I will feel on that first day when I won't see her all day. Ugh! Just thinking about it makes me sad. 

I know its a good thing for all 3 of us for me to head back to work. Lets be honest, I'm not the best at staying home. I have come to really respect (and envy) you stay at home moms. And yes, I realize that you don't just stay at home all day every day. My career is so much more than just a career to me. Its apart of who I am, and I couldn't imagine not being a nurse and not working. 

I am excited to fall into our family routine. I feel like we've been living a fantasy life. Jordan has been home the whole time I've been home and its been amazing. But all good things must come to an end right? 

I look forward to this next chapter of balancing myself, being a wife, motherhood and my career. I know we'll have ups and downs. But we will work it out. 

So for now, in this last week of fantasy, I am going to breathe deeply, cherish every minute and live in the moment. I am going to cook dinners for my husband and be a stay at home wife for another week. I'm not going make plans and allow myself to stay at home in my pj's and relax. I'm going to take baths. I'm going to snuggle my baby girl as much as possible. I'm going to take naps when she naps. I'm going to eat whatever I want, because hey, I've lost 20 lbs already and I'm only 11 weeks out. One more week and I won't have so much down time. I'm going to pray for my sanity next Thursday. One more week. One.More.Week.