Five Years of Our Beautiful, Real Life Love

Whelp, we made it to 5 years! Five whole years of marriage with my favorite human. 

Marriage is beautiful, challenging, uplifting, and ugly - sometimes all at once.


This has undoubtably been the hardest year of our marriage. This year at UPT has put outside stress on Jordan that he brought home every day for the last year with him. And by no means is that his fault the stress followed him home. I had my own adjustments and stress this year, that added to our difficult year. A year of extremely high expectations with tests, skill and mental 'games' - all to make him one of the best pilots in the world. And he's conquered that challenge and will walk across the stage next week, receiving his wings in the best Air Force in the world. The amount of joy I feel for him is unmeasurable - but thats another post! It is hard to talk about this year without mentioning UPT because it took over just about every part of our lives this past year.

With all the stress came ugly moments and moments that tested us. I found myself asking "when do I get my husband back?" more than once. I learned that I can handle way more than I ever thought I could. And that doesn't mean that was pretty. I was a mess, probably most of the time. I like to think I held it together all the time, but Jordan had the pleasure - and the unfortunate task of seeing me struggle through the year right next to him. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger is definitely true. But that doesn't mean its a fun, or an easy thing to live through. It actually really sucks.

What I've learned this year is that marriages aren't easy, but everybody knows that right?  Its choosing to love through the ugly - really ugly stuff sometimes. That choice is easy, but it doesn't make it easy to overcome all the ugly. There is no place I would rather be and no other person I would chose to go through the ugly with. My ugly consisted of selfish feelings, passive aggressive remarks, and begging for attention, much like a toddler. It wasn't pretty. Jordan did his absolute best and I have to say, sometimes I didn't feel like it was enough. But if he had more to give in those moments, I know he would have given it. Knowing his heart and understanding that it was killing him to not give everything to me and our girls, helped me cope with what I felt were inadequate days. I wish I could say it was easy, but it wasn't. I struggled through it. But now, maybe because he's seen all my ugly, I'm not scared of the ugly that will come our way in the future - I'm not sure any future ugliness will top this year.

But lets lighten things up. This year wasn't all ugly. We welcomed our sweet Natalie this year! When I say sweet, I mean really sweet. She is smily and happy just what our family needed this year. She is such  a joy and seeing Jordan with TWO little girls is just the best. He is the best daddy to them, and I know they brighten his world. I seriously can't believe that in 5 years of marriage we have transformed into a family of four! We moved across the country and made the best friends here in Enid, America who will stay with us for life. We've had a lot of fun along the way this year, so many fun fridays and celebrations.

I've seen Jordan conquer this year, putting all his focus into his career while balancing a family. He came home and gave all his attention he had and love to us, when it was easier for him to pull away from us and focus on training. I've seen how selfless my husband is and it encourages me to be my best for him. I'm not always at my best, and he loves me through my imperfections. I have learned so much about myself and our marriage and I am blown away by the strength of our love.


Love is so much more than the happy, butterfly touchy feely surface love. The choice to see each other through the ugly is what makes or breaks a marriage. It is easier to drift apart and have hurt feelings and focus on what you need when things get ugly. Its tough to push your feelings aside and know that when your spouse isn't or can't be their best, their heart is still yours and they need you more than ever in those moments. We are a team, and its important to support and give my all, even when its tough.

We have a beautiful life. We had a tough year. But I can honestly say I love my husband more than I ever have. I am proud of our marriage and who we have become together. I am not a perfect wife, but I am choosing my marriage and my husband every day. Looking back on our 5 years, we have come so far and I'm so excited for our family to continue to grow together, even through our challenges. Thank you Air Force for challenging our marriage in ways I could never imagined, and helping us come out of UPT stronger.

I love you more today than yesterday, but far less than tomorrow. Here's to our forever babe <3

Our First House

Today we closed on our first house. I know we moved out the other day, and honestly these last few days our stuff has been out of it has made me disconnect from it. But its still our first house. We put a lot of work & love into this house and we are sad to not finish all the projects we dreamt about. I love these pictures of the changing house now more than ever.

Moving In! May 2011

Fall 2012

Fall 2013

August 2014

 We went back today to drop off our garage door openers and to say goodbye one last time, and I was a little sad standing in Evelyn's room. I spent many late nights and early mornings in that room with our sweet girl. Jordan slaved away putting up the chair rail and we spent so much time in there. Our bedroom doesn't feel the same, and the house just seems like a shell for what it held -  which is really how it should be. But there are still so many memories in that house for us, and we will always cherish those.

Evleyn's Room After! 

Evelyn's Room Before

Kitchen Before

Kitchen After! 

We met the people buying our house today and they seemed like wonderful people. They are just pregnant and will love the house like we did. They were the first people to see the house and are very excited about it and said no other house compared to our house. That made me feel really good that they will enjoy it as much as we did. I guess thats all you really want when you say goodbye to your house and the hard work you put into it.  You want somebody else to appreciate what you did there. And I think they do, and will make it even better.

Walking up those steps today was familiar and comfortable, but now its time to step outside our comfort zone and take an adventure. Goodbye Wheatlands house.

Eleven.

Eleven is one less than twelve.

We are ONE month away from twelve months. My mind is having a hard time processing that.

We've had an eventful 11th month.

We went to church camp at Wesley Woods (more info on that in some other posts!)

We found out that we are moving to Oklahoma in about 3 short months.
Evelyn is SO close to walking. She practically jumps around when she is walking with us. She might just start running.
Speaking of running, she turbo crawls everywhere. Usually straight to the stairs that she recently discovered. She had never climbed them before and one day, she sprinted toward them and crawled right up the flight of stairs. I couldn't stop her because I couldn't quite believe my eyes.

We have embraced the "duck face" as one of Evelyn's favorite faces to make at people. 

She's pretty cute, even with a duck face! 

While at camp, my fellow co-nurse Judy, was the Labor & delivery nurse who helped deliver Evelyn. She was the one who initially took care of her, assessed her, and helped Jordan give Evelyn's first bath. She also scrubbed my sweet baby's head because of all the gunk that was stuck in her mounds of hair! It was great to see her and have time with somebody who is so fantastic and is such apart of our family story! 

 Evelyn is becoming a toddler, and a funny little girl. Her personality is continuing to make us laugh and love every minute with her. She is cuddly when she wants to be, and sassy when she wants something. She likes to study things around her, put things together and try to take things apart. She loves being around people and knows how to charm those around her. 

She truly lights up the room. 

Our days our getting busier with playing & swinging outside while chasing a turbo-crawling 11 month old around, but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Here's to 11 months in the books, and hoping and praying this last month of my baby being a baby goes slowly so I can cherish every moment. 

Looking back on a great week

So another week is ending here at Wesley Woods and what an amazing, love filled week it has been. New friendships have been made and the love of Jesus has been spread to 150 campers and to 40+ staff members. I am in constant awe of how amazing this place becomes for so many of us. There is a draw that keeps us coming back. I’ve been trying to figure out what exactly it is this week, but I haven’t found the answer yet. I have been to this camp as a middle school camper,  a middle school camp nurse, and now a high school camp nurse. I feel like I have grown so much as an adult from when I first started as the camp nurse, that is seems like I was two different people. Seeing the younger staff members here this week makes me realize how much my life has truly changed. Maybe it’s the baby who has really changed me (which is probably the case) but either way, I have grown so much over the last 8 years.

This week was different for me in that I had the baby with me, and no back-up baby sitter. Many times when there is a baby here, there is somebody who is here just for the baby and doesn’t have any responsibilities for camp or campers. I didn’t have the luxury this year because nobody could come spend a week here in the woods! I knew we would be fine because Evelyn is pretty easy-going and really happy and we don’t have THAT MUCH responsibility as the nurse when it comes to being places and participating in activities. That being said, I don’t feel as though I could be apart of camp as much as I normally am. I participated when I could and Evelyn and I joined in as often as possible. By the end of the week, we had a pretty good routine down.

It was especially cool here this week because I got to see some of my old middle school campers here as high schoolers.  Many of them I didn’t always see in the nurses cabin as middle schoolers, but I would see them at activities and get to know them at meal times. I saw some familiar names on the camp list this year and I was excited to see these campers grown up! It is really special to see these kids growing up and enjoying camp the way that I enjoyed it. Probably the coolest thing this year was getting to experience this place with high schoolers that are almost adults (& some already are) and are facing real troubles in their daily lives, and seeing the emotions and the relief & hope this week gives them. If this one week can impact them for the better, we did our job this week. We impact their lives by building relationships, giving unconditional love and having a whole lot of fun.

We did a color run game one night which was so much fun! It down-poured that night and helped make the activity even more crazy than it already was. Imagine 150+ people in mostly white t-shirts, throwing colored cornstarch on each other in the pouring rain in the middle of a big open field. It was all sorts of crazy, but it was amazing. Chapel was great, as  always the music was rockin’ and we had a great time. I’m sad I didn’t get to experience firebowl  here at high school camp, but I know this isn’t my last year here and I will get to have that experience another year.

We had not one – but TWO dress up nights. Thursday night at our cookout we dressed as our favorite characters from movies. I didn’t have much time to put together an outfit, so Evelyn and I were super-nurses. Kinda lame, but at least we had outfits! Friday night is the senior send-out night and we dress up in nice clothes and have previous campers come back and serve everyone our meal at dinner. Everyone looked so great in their dress clothes. Some of the boy campers had some seriously nice suits on, and the girls had great (camp appropriate) dresses!

One of my final memories from this week is that of the affirmation circle. All the love and affirmation give here in this place by people who were strangers at the beginning of the week is incredible. I didn’t think I would be able to be apart of the circle time tonight because of Evelyn’s sleep schedule, but by a camper with a headache, I was able to come down and have my moments of affirmation. Four minutes of people coming up and telling you what an amazing person you are fills you with such unending joy its hard to put into words. We do not acknowledge all the wonderful things people do for us in our lives enough, and it was so great to have that time tonight. The bonds formed here are like no other. Its been an amazing week.

It was great to be experience this with Evelyn, in this place that means so much to me, for the first year of many years to come.

First full day at camp - with a baby!

Monday has been a much smoother day. We’ve had our share of little bumps along the way, but we are figuring it out. Meal time is going great. Her high chair attachment works really well and she loves being around all the campers! We are in the smaller “VIP” section so it isn’t so overwhelming with half the camp looking at her all the time. She is loving it. Every single minute has been good from her standpoint I think. Expcept her afternoon nap today – one of the maintence guys was fixing the roof and was nainling and pounding and she didn’t exactly sleep right through all that. But she got 45 minutes, and we rolled with it, went swimming and had a great afternoon.

I am kinda wishing she didn’t take two naps at this point. Its taking a lot of time away from all the activities at camp and its hard to get to know people and get involved with stuff (like I like to do) when I’m always up at the cabin with a sleeping baby. Don’t get me wrong – I love how she sleeps and gives us 2 naps a day still, but I would like to be able to participate more than I can right now. And the stinky thing about this being a high school camp and everyone being able to stay up later is that evening activity doesn’t even start until around 730-8 and that is when Evelyn starts to melt and really needs to be heading towards bed. So more time for me to miss out. But again – its all good. I am here at one of my favorite places,  spending a week with my daughter and loving meeting all these new campers, counselors and I know that each day is going to get easier. 

Wesley Woods High School Camp

I had the opportunity to be one of the camp nurses at the most amazing church camp last week. I wrote about our week, but had bad internet connection and couldn't upload to the blog! So here it is.. my week at Wesley Woods! 

So night one of camp isn’t exactly going as smoothly as I envisioned. I got to camp much earlier than I thought I would…yay! About 7:30. But I was thinking I could probably get her right to bed, but that really wasn’t the case. I needed to put some stuff away and get some stuff accessible to me once Evelyn fell asleep. And my co-nurse was doing nurs-y things and I felt bad that I wasn’t helping out. Well it turns out I probably should have just focused on the baby because by the time I got her bottle going and she took it, she was a mess. And I mean a mess. Aching, screaming, thrashing, all of the above. I was in tears right along with her. We tried side-to-side rocking on a little school chair and that wasn’t working. Campers kept coming in for water, that wasn’t helping. Thankfully my co-nurse has the amazing zero gravity camping chairs and I slid one into my back bedroom and laid back with Evelyn and tried to rock her to sleep that way. It worked. For now. The campers should be coming back from firebowl any minute now and I am just waiting. I have a sign outside that says “please be mindful that there is a baby sleeping in this cabin, Thank you *huge smiley face*” We’ll see. Big mom fail…forgot the sound machine, so I currently have a box fan blowing around our room, which is sort of nice, but sort of cold for a baby who doesn’t like to stay under covers and mom decided to dress in a short/t-shirt pj combo because it was ‘warm’ tonight. I might wake up to a baby with frostbite, buuuut, we’lll make it through the night – hopefully.

I’m looking forward to getting to know the counselers here. Or hopefully get to know them. I feel really alone right now, but I can handle that, I’m sure it will get better. I’m usually good at making some friends. But what is hard to deal with is not quite knowing really anybody here and being the nurse. I mean I’ve done this camp nursing thing for 7 years now – this year 8. I know what I’m doing, but its just with new people and I want to learn some of their new ways, and I’m trying to show them some of mine. And I know that there are some campers who loooove being with the nurses. I’m not so into that. You’re here for camp, not to hang out with the “cool nurse.” And this year, it will probably be worse because I have a baby with me. Hopefully we can keep the campers focused on camper things and we can make this all go really, really smoothly!

Camp is such an amazing place and I am excited to experience it with new people, new schedules, my little baby & I hope I can help pass on an amazing camp experience to 150+ campers! 

Ten months have passed.

Ten months have passed since our baby girl changed our lives forever. 

What a ride these last ten months have been. 

Jordan and I have grown so much in our marriage, and we have been humbled  

by the opportunity to be Evelyn's parents. 

In month 10, we had so many great moments. The biggest of which is that we flew down to Alabama to bring Jordan back home! He is now a 2nd LT in the USAF!!! We are over the moon proud of him! 

It was Evelyn's second time on a plane and I couldn't have asked for a better flying buddy. I was a little worried because she's starting to get into the toddler phase when she doesn't sit still and has a 10 second attention span. I wasn't sure that she would sleep, or be okay with being on my lap for almost 2 hours from gate to gate. But, I was so surprised, she fell asleep and was such a good girl entertaining the people around us.

After we got back from Alabama, it was time to get used to being a family of three again! She loves having her daddy home and can't get enough of him! We have had many family snuggle sessions, hanging outside and going on walks. She has continued to grow and change right before our eyes. Her vocabulary of babbles and "words" is ever expanding, and her personality is so funny! She knows how to charm everybody around her, which is probably trouble for us some day! She is cruising up and down furniture and becoming more confident in her walking skills. She hasn't taken and steps by herself yet, but she is getting close to trying. She will stand by herself and practice her balance, it is so cool to watch her figuring the whole walking thing out. 

In these next two months we need to start planning her FIRST birthday party! 

We also have some changes coming to our family that will shift the way we live and where we live. 

We are excited to continue this ride of being Evelyn's parents!! 

Eight Whole Months

8 months old!

Wow. Wow. Wow. 8 months sounds old. I recently got an email saying "Your baby is almost a toddler" My jaw dropped to the floor and I tried not to cry thinking about my baby being a toddler. This month has been a month of lots of changes for our family, and I have come to realize that my baby IS becoming a toddler!

Jordan left us for 8 weeks, and Evelyn and I have been working on getting into a routine of our "new normal." I have learned that she is a quite a flexible baby and quite agreeable with whatever we happen to throw at her.

Most of this month she has spent trying sooo hard to get the crawling forward thing down. She can crawl backwards with great form and can get anywhere she wants by log-rolling, sitting up and crawling backwards. No army crawls here. We were pretty sure she was going to crawl forward before Jordan left. Unfortunately, she missed that deadline by about 6 days.

Yup. That's right. My baby girl started crawling. And she is fast. And super coordinated. She can crawl on our hard surface floors and the carpet. I think because she was working on her technique for so long {almost a month of rocking on all fours, reaching hands out with no movement} she is so good at it! I came home from work last Friday March 28th, and she was reaching up for me, noticed the remote laying on the ground, and went for it! I texted my babysitter asking if she had crawled yet {because I knew she was close}, but she said Evelyn hadn't crawled yet. I was so proud of my baby girl! I recorded her repeatedly crawling for the dang remote so Jordan could enjoy all of her greatness! I can re-direct her in a moment and she turns right around and comes back the other way. She IS becoming a toddler. *tears*

I have realized how fast I have to child-proof my house. I have to constantly scan the floor to see if there is a piece of paper {why does she love paper so much?!} globs of dog or cat hair that the vacuum might have missed, because everything and anything she can find will go into her mouth!

Evelyn has increasingly become vocal, not so surprising considereing who her mother is! Said her first word "dada" March 20th. She will babble "dada" all the time, but she was very purposeful when she said it at Jordan. She sees pictures of Jordan and says Dada. I'm so glad her first word was Dada. I'm pretty sure she's working on doggy to be her next word! She IS becoming a toddler.

The Pit

THE pit. You know - THAT feeling. That pit in your stomach. Butterflies. Nerves. Anxiety.

Well that feeling has been in the center of my world for the past couple weeks. I'd like it to go away, but that is easier said than done. Knowing that your husband will be leaving for 8 whole weeks leaves you with quite and un-easy feeling.

Its that feeling that makes me unable to have an appetite {thank goodness I still have 10lbs of leftover baby!}. It makes me unable to enjoy my last few days with my love. It consumes me.

As much as I try to not think about the upcoming event of Jordan leaving, it surrounds me at every turn. I focus on the baby and for a moment, a short moment, I am distracted by her happy giggles and obliviousness of the changing dynamic about to take place in her home. Our living room has become packing central. Our table has uniforms and ribbons waiting to be put in the perfect spot on new jackets and shirts. There are two new pairs of boots waiting to be laced up. Out processing paperwork on my counter reminds me that he's leaving.

I've had a few days off work to be able to stay home and enjoy our last few days together. Trying to enjoy it is the hard part, which makes me more anxious because I just want to soak up every happy minute. Instead, we are both trying to not break down and not think about it, and it makes for some quiet meals because that is the only thing on our mind. Maybe its just us. Maybe its just my out of control anxiety that is causing this gloomy scenario playing out in our house. But if I were a bettin' woman, I'd guess that most families facing what we are facing, go through very similar emotions.

The lead up is the worst. Worrying about sleep the night before he leaves and if we'll be able to rest at all. Anticipating that I'm going to lose it at the airport and he can't do anything to help me as I drive away. Knowing that I'm going home to an empty, lonely house. Knowing that we are facing eight whole weeks without daddy. The unknown of this new training; when can we talk next, how often can we talk? I could barf just thinking about it all.

Then it happens. Then we wake up and its time to go. How long do we linger downstairs before getting in the car? We know we have to leave, but it just came too fast. The coffee is brewing and we will stand in the kitchen just trying to act like its no big deal. Hug like its the last time we'll ever get to. Load the baby in the car and try to make small talk. Hold hands like its going out of style. Pull into the airport and the tears come, they are quiet - for now. Help him unload his stuff. Stare at him getting in a pile, try and pretend like its not actually happening. Hug him. Hug, hug, hug, kiss, hug. Oh I can't let him go yet, more hugs. I think I'm shaking now, maybe its because I'm cold. We'll be okay, we'll be okay.

Both of us heading separate ways knowing that the sooner he leaves, the sooner he's home.

He'll be home before we know it and these eight weeks will be a short blip in time. But for right now, this blip is anxiety ridden and difficult. It will get easier, so they say. I don't think it ever gets easier, you just get used to the empty house and after the baby goes to bed and you're all alone is when its the hardest, thats when the tears come. Even if the tears never leave your eyes, they are there. And for now thats okay. The ache of missing my love will not be diminished with time, I will just cope any way I know how and get along with these eight weeks. This short blip in time that seems like eternity now, will be over soon.

Real Life Happens

For some reason lately I've been thinking about how lucky I am to have Jordan. He is such an amazing man and I could not imagine myself with anybody else in this world. He deals with all my crazy antics and I could not respect a man more than I respect him.

But thats not all I've been thinking about.  

Have you ever noticed yourself comparing your life to another persons life, relationships, etc? I know I have (and still do). It seems inevitable. Whether talking with friends or looking around on facebook, people put their lives out in the open for us to see. I do the same thing, people can tell if I'm having a good day, or a bad day based on my posts. 

But what does it all matter? Are we all completely honest in our posts & conversations? What would people think if they knew what really happens behind closed doors. The horror. 

Well I'll be honest if just for one moment - Our life isn't perfect. Shocking right? 

We fight. We argue over stupid things. My house is messy. I haven't cooked a proper dinner in 2 weeks. My dirty laundry is sitting in a pile on my bathroom floor. My baby sits on the floor by herself (in the same room) while I selfishly watch TV. We say things we don't mean to eachother (trying to stop that!). 

We have this skewed version of eachothers lives. We don't tend to post things on facebook in the middle of a fight. But what if we all did? Would we feel better about our normal lives? Sometimes I think, "gosh we sometimes fight a lot, maybe there is something wrong with us." But is there something wrong with us? Probably not. Most likely not. 

I (we) have to stop being so hard on ourselves. Jordan often says, "Our grandparents have been married over 50 years, do you think they haven't had a bad day and fought over something stupid? This is nothing new, I love you and you love me, thats all there is to it. We'll move past this" He's right. He's really right. 

It normal to argue and have bad days. But when you go on facebook and you see friends that appear to have this fantasy happiest of fairy tale life it makes you question things. At least it does to me sometimes. They must have a really perfect life and what a romantic man, I think to myself. But is he really that romantic all the time? Probably not, he just has a wife/girlfriend who likes to post about the moments he is and those moments jut happen to show up on my newsfeed. 

I just wish that in this online always plugged in world we could take a moment to be more real. Or at least think and talk about real things. 

It seems like we all play along with the game of showing each other what a great life we have. And we all do have really good lives in most cases. But we tend to showcase the standout moments more than the everyday moments. 

When all we see online are standout moments the everyday, normal moments get overshadowed and downplayed. But those are the moments that matter. The everyday, small moments, good or bad, that make life special. That matters. 

It matters that we're all human and we all have bad days. Our relationships aren't perfect and no, we all may not have had the most romantic, day long, over the top proposal (although mine was really amazing). We all don't cook 5 course meals from scratch every day. We can't always go to the farmers market and eat local, fresh food. We can't always make it to the gym. Our kids don't have matching outfits. 

And we don't always have everything together. 

And that's okay. 

2 months old!

2 months, happy in her crib! 

Sunday our wonderful daughter turned 2 months old. Many ups and many downs have come our way, but it has been an amazing ride. She has grown so much (although people say she is still "petite") and is coming more into her little personality. We have mastered going out to run errands with a baby. We have learned how to function on just a few hours of sleep. Evelyn continues to wrap Jordan around her fingers with each little smile and quality daddy time.

Evelyn and our pup Chloe have become very good friends. Chloe is never far away. She is always checking on Evelyn and needs to know where she is. She will come up and lick Evelyn all over and Evelyn just loves it! When its time to play on the floor Chloe comes right up and has to be in the action. I'm not sure if its all Chloe wanting to be around Evelyn or if its part Chloe needing more attention. Either way, I love seeing both of them enjoy each others company!

Best friends! 

Evelyn is really pretty funny. She has the best expressions. She talks to you through her eyes. She crinkles up her nose and does her little winks and just melts our hearts. I have about 30 videos each day capturing all here little facial expressions. I just can't believe how talkative she has become in the last few weeks. I mean, I kind of expected her to be a talker, and she might get that from me. Oh well. She's way cuter than I am and I'm sure she will have much more important things to say than I ever will! She has the quietest little voice that is learning a ton of new sounds. It amazes me every time she makes a new little sound, and she usually has a facial expression that goes along with it. I just smile and laugh, oh how it melts my heart.

She is just amazing. We have done so much in her 2nd month.
First trip to the hair salon
Slept {8} hours overnight!
Running with mom in the stroller
Spent a whole day with dad {mommy's day out}
Lunches with lots of mommy's friends
Started sleeping in my crib
Loving tummy time
My hair keeps getting thicker
                                 Smiling's my favorite
                                 I have a serious sad face with a big pouty lip!
                                 {how do they know the pouty lip already?}
                                 I'm not crying *quite* as much
                                 I love looking in the mirror
                                {Almost} grown out of newborn clothes!

I know I've said it before, and I'lll say it again. It has been the most amazing thing to be Evelyn's mommy. I can't quite believe how a little baby can change my life in such a short time. Every day I want to be a better person for her. I want to be the best example of a caring, giving, passionate, Jesus loving woman. I can't wait to see her personality continue to come out in little ways over the next month. She is an amazing little person. We have many changes coming in her next month as I head back to work, Jordan starts flying again and we'll have a babysitter coming to our home. It will be interesting to see how we all adjust to our "new" normal. I'll leave this post with one last smiley picture of our girl. We are so blessed!

This too shall pass

I'm sitting here on the first cool (cold!) fall evening rocking my sweet baby girl. She is having a bad evening. Some of our evenings (days) are like this, although I haven't quite figured out what brings all this on. I wish I knew so I could stop it before it starts, but not because I don't like the crying or because I'm tired. Its because I hate seeing her upset and in pain. I can tell she is hurting, but she just can't tell me exactly whats wrong. So we rock. And we rock. And we rock.

The best gift I got from our baby shower is my Moby Wrap. It has been a life saver. I can still be productive on days or evenings when my sweet girl wants to be held. I can go grocery shopping and strangers who think they can just come up and touch my baby and share their nasty germs with her don't think of reaching out with their grimy hands. I *might* be part germ-a-phobe, and this is just an added bonus of the wrap. But the biggest bonus of all is that my baby girl likes it. And I have to admit, I like it too. We get into quite a rhythm, dancing to songs in my head. She is up against my chest hearing my heart beat and listening to every breath I take. She feels safe and I feel like I can give her all she needs in those moments.

My sweet girl finally finds sleep. I'm not sure how long her peace will last, but I take refuge in those moments watching her eyes dance as she's dreaming. Her beautifully petite features stand out to me and I get to study her face. Sometimes I don't get anything done when she's sleeping because I don't want to wake her. I feel bad on those days when the dishes go undone, or the laundry doesn't get folded. But then I realize, this too shall pass. These days are fleeting and before I know it she will be wiggling out of my arms to go move on to her next activity. I want to soak up every little snuggle I can get. I enjoy these moments even if they come after a screaming fit. I will always love these moments. I love being her mommy.

Meet the {Great} Grandparents

When we got pregnant with our sweet Evelyn we soon realized that our little baby would be growing up with a unique family composition. Jordan and I are lucky enough to have both sets of our grandparents alive. Thats right. We have all 8 of our grandparents {Evelyn's GREAT-grandparents} living, never divorced and all married for over 50 years! And then we have our parents who will be the new grandparents. All that totals TWELVE {12} grandparents for Evelyn. I am honestly still wrapping my mind around how remarkable this is. So once Evelyn was born, we knew we had to make sure she met all grandparents in her first few weeks. We also wanted to get all the grandparents together at the same time to take one big group picture so we will never forget how amazing and lucky we all are to have so many people in our lives!

Gram & Gramps Spaans

Nana & Pops Hamilton

So we'll start with the brand new first time grandparents. Evelyn is the first grandchild for both of our parents. Our parents all work full-time still, so we don't have built in babysitters, but they are definitely making sure they aren't missing anything in Evelyn's life. We have frequent visits from both sets of grandparents, and they always seem to bring little gifts with each visit! 

Great Pop & Great Gram Martin

The first sets of great grandparents Evelyn met were Jordan's grandparents. We were able to head up to Jordan's parents house and everybody was able to come meet little Evelyn. Great Pop & Great Gram Martin have always been special to Jordan. He spent many weekends at their cottage & loved Gram's cooking! They both have had some health challenges and we are so thankful to have them in our lives.  Evelyn is their first great-grandchild! 

Great Gram Spaans

Great Gram & Great Gramps Spaans also hold a special place in Jordan's life. This side of his family is big and their family get togethers are always great! Evelyn is their second great-grandchild, and their first great-granddaughter. Jordan loved tractors when he was younger because of Gramps. They have also had some health challenges, which has made us all realize how precious life really is! 

Great Grandma & Grandpa Hamilton

The next day Evelyn met my 2 sets of grandparents! My Grandma & Grandpa Hamilton came over from the Detroit area to meet little miss. She is their first great-grandchild and they have the honor of being our oldest grandparents! Evelyn and I traveled down to see them in Florida when I was 18 weeks pregnant and we hope to go back down and visit them this winter! 

Great Nana & Pappy Shoemaker

Evelyn then met her Great-Nana & Pappy. They were in Minnesota when she was born so they were thrilled to meet her. Evelyn is their 5th great-grandchild, but their first great-granddaugther, I was their first granddaughter, so we are keeping that tradition going! My Nana and Pappy live very close and I'm sure they will make frequent visits to see Evelyn! 

All of our grandparents hold such a special place in our hearts. Jordan and I both grew up with our grandparents very involved in our lives. They were active with sporting events and always made it to all our big school events growing up. We can only hope that she gets to know her great-grandparents for many years and that her grandparents are just as involved as ours were {we have no doubt our parents will be VERY involved.} 

Love is Love

So this week, the supreme court did some pretty big things. They dealt with major issues and even if they weren't fully sweeping with their decisions, they made it pretty obvious how they think the country should be heading with regards to two major social issues. They first ruled on affirmative action discriminating against white students applying for college. Their ruling was very interesting, but thats not what this is about. They also ruled on DOMA (defense of marriage act, signed by Bill Clinton in the 90's) and about the Prop 8 appeal that had put a stop to gay marriages in California until the appeal process was over. I'm not going to try and pretend that I know exactly what their rulings meant and all the legal business, but what I do know is that they are making moves toward equal rights for gay americans.

Now, I am a Christian and I believe in the Word, that Jesus Christ is my Savior, and that as a Christian it is my duty to show love to everyone just as Jesus would. So can I really be okay with Gay Marriage? Can I be okay with equal rights for all people? To be honest, saying the words "Gay Marriage" in the same breath makes me uncomfortable. Marriage is very sacred to me, and in the depths of me, those two words together sit a little funny with me. But regardless of how I personally feel, as humans, we deserve to love and love equally. I'm not one of those people who think that just because a man can marry and man and a woman can marry a woman, that the next thing coming is people wanting to marry their pet pig. Let's be real people, are we comparing human to human love to something as silly as that? Whether we want to believe it or not, marriage in America is in shambles, and straight people aren't doing it all that well, contrary to how we would all like to pretend we are doing.

In the bible it says a "man shall marry a woman" and "do not lay with another man" but the bible also says that women should not be in power. And most importantly it says you should love everybody. Ever heard of the "golden rule" , yeah, that comes from the bible. Let me give you this one piece from the bible:  James 4:11-12 (11) Brothers and sisters, do not slander one another. Anyone who speaks against a brother or sister judges them and speaks against the law and judges it. When you judge the law, you are not keeping it, but sitting in judgement on it. (12) There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you - who are you  to judge your neighbor?

Oh my gosh, there it is. Do not judge your neighbor. We can remember that the bible says don't be gay, but we can't remember to not judge our neighbor? How can we pick and choose which parts of the bible we believe to be true? That's right, we can't. The thing that I have always taken home the most from church, church camp, reading my bible is the basis of love. Love, love love. Love yourself, love others, Love Jesus, love. Love is an important human feeling. And we all love. But can we choose who we love?

A really smart friend of mine once asked me if I could remember making a conscious decision to be attracted to men. I thought about it, and said of course not. Of course not. Now I put myself in the shoes of gay men and women and wonder, did they ever THINK about who they were attracted to? Did they make a conscious decision to be like, hey yeah, I'm gay? Most likely not.

I'm not trying to make this long and crazy, but I know its getting there. I don't want to change your mind if you don't believe what I believe, I just have to get this off my chest. If society told me that I was wrong for loving Jordan and told me I couldn't marry him I would be devastated. I love just like everybody else loves. Jordan and I's love is no different than many other gay or straight couples in the world. So why do we treat gay people as second class citizens? It just doesn't make sense to me.

Right now gay couples are fighting for equal rights, they aren't fighting for everybody to jump for joy and be gay just like them, all they want is to be treated equal in the eyes of the country. Isn't our country based on freedom? We have been built up on certain religious beliefs, but church and state are to be separate. So why, legally, from a state perspective, are gay rights wrong? Religion is not to play a role in laws, etc, so why are we letting our personal (based on religion) beliefs rule this debate? We all don't have to agree, but isn't that why this country is great, we have freedom.

What really brought me to this rant today is hearing this song:
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - Same Love
Do yourself a favor and watch the video and listen to the words. I was literally in tears hearing those words for the first time. I just hope that my children can grow up in a world filled with love, less hate and with the understanding that everybody should be treated equally.